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In a dazzling pantomime of fiscal flirtation, eToro has coaxed $310 million from investors—who, rumour has it, queued up far past the marble steps, eager to become, if not richer, then at least more interesting at cocktail parties. The platform managed to offload 6 million shares, thus confirming that hope (and possibly delusion) spring eternal.
“Look!” cry the peasants, armed with the arcane ukases known as Coinglass and IntoTheBlock. “See how it does nothing, yet everything happens!” What is idleness to most is theater to the cryptically-inclined.
The price of silver tomorrow will be 32.8 US dollars. Today the price for 1 oz was 32.8 USD. Yesterday the rate was 32.8 USD for 1 oz of silver. Trading of silver took place in the range 32.6 – 32.6 USD. The difference compared to the previous day was 0.36%.
The price of gold tomorrow will be 3 151 US dollars. Today the price for 1 oz was 3 242 USD. Yesterday the rate was 3 285 USD for 1 oz of gold. Trading of gold took place in the range 3 252 – 3 292 USD. The difference compared to the previous day was -1.50%.
The price of Brent crude tomorrow will be 65.9 US dollars. Today the price for 1 bbls was 64.9 USD. Yesterday the rate was 64.3 USD for 1 bbls of Brent crude. Trading of Brent crude took place in the range 64.1 – 64.3 USD. The difference compared to the previous day was 0.56%.
As of the end of March, Semler was crouched atop a pile of roughly 3,192 Bitcoins—because who needs stethoscopes when you can hoard internet money? They bagged 894 more coins with a $90.7 million shopping spree during the quarter. By May 12, they’d added another 616 Bitcoins, bringing their total horde to a stomach-churning 3,808. Picture a dragon, but instead of gold, they sleep on volatile digital assets and quarterly earnings reports. 🐉💰
Solana’s $10.9 billion TVL just left Ethereum’s Layer-2 ecosystem eating its dust. 😏
Presently, the stablecoin jamboree boasts a $240 billion shindig—presided over by Tether’s USDT ($145B, the loud uncle of the family) and Circle’s USDC ($60B, more like the slightly richer cousin). But according to Citi, this bash could balloon to $1.6 trillion by 2030, or, should we all get incredibly optimistic and the wind be blowing just right, $3.7 trillion. That would leave today’s $3.45 trillion crypto market cap looking positively sheepish in the corner. 🐑
“Institution of proceedings is appropriate at this time in view of the legal and policy issues raised by the proposed rule change. Institution of proceedings does not indicate that the commission has reached any conclusion with respect to any of the issues involved,” the announcement deadpanned, presumably unable to locate the ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ buttons on its keyboard.
In the manner of someone announcing the invention of the wheel, Coinbase’s chief financial wizard, Alesia Haas, declared this event a sign that the crypto industry has matured from its wild youth—sort of like a reformed hooligan suddenly being offered a seat in the House of Lords.