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After months of being stuck in a rut, like that friend who keeps saying “I’m going to start a diet on Monday,” Cardano (ADA) is finally showing some muscle. Thanks to chart guru Ali Martinez, it seems like the price has broken through the dreaded trendline that’s been keeping ADA in check since March. I know, it’s almost like watching someone finally get out of a bad relationship. Breakthrough? Absolutely. Could this be the beginning of a beautiful romance with a $1.20 price tag? Fingers crossed.

The biggest bank in the US, JPMorgan, has decided to start charging us for a typically free service. 😱

Meme coins and AI tokens? Yeah, they’re so last year. Now, everyone’s talking about stablecoins, real-world assets (RWAs), and platforms like Hyperliquid. It’s like the crypto world is finally putting on some adult clothes and showing up to the party with a briefcase. 📂

The stage is set: the price is inching towards the upper Bollinger Band on the weekly chart, a tantalizing $0.00001554. This isn’t the first time SHIB has flirted with this region; the $0.00001200 to $0.00001300 range has been a beloved stomping ground, a demand zone where SHIB has found support and launched itself skyward multiple times since last year.

According to the ever-reliable CoinGlass heat map (because who doesn’t trust a heat map when your life savings are on the line?), over a mere 12 hours, Bitcoin showed a grand total of $3.66 million in short liquidations. In comparison, longs only suffered a paltry $197,660. That’s an imbalance of 1,722%. Who knew the crypto world had a flair for one-sided drama?

As per the melodramatic utterances of the Northern District of California’s U.S. Attorney’s Office, our protagonist orchestrated this financial escapade whilst perched in San Francisco, a city renowned for its golden gate and evidently, its gullible bank patrons.

As the ancients would say, every treasure has its tale. And on the 13th of July, the records revealed a startling truth: ETHA, not content with mere pennies, now flaunts 2,001,081 ETH. After enduring a torrid week of influxes—more than $900 million bodaciously rushed in, making it the most fruitful week since the dawn of its inception. What a time to be alive, right? 🎉 Three instances of its ten largest daily inflows danced merrily within this last seven days, like children at a feast.

But what sorcery is behind this sudden resurgence? I turn to the wise words of analyst Evan Aldo, who attributes this miracle to a potent cocktail of factors. The market, it seems, has been anticipating a benevolent gesture from the U.S. Federal Reserve – a cut in interest rates, a gentle breeze that will rustle the leaves of the crypto garden. And, of course, the inflation numbers have been kind, allowing risk assets like crypto to regain their footing. The rare bullish patterns on Ethereum’s monthly chart have rekindled hope, a beacon of light in the darkness.

In his interview, Hougan mentioned that the Bitcoin network only produces 450 Bitcoin per day, while yesterday alone, Bitcoin ETFs (exchange-traded funds) bought 10,000 Bitcoin. He believes that this institutional investment into Bitcoin is a one-time event that will take years to play out, but over the course of those years, there will be a persistent bid with more demand than there is supply. This, in turn, will naturally cause Bitcoin’s price to go higher.

Flutter, the proud parent of gambling playgrounds like Betfair and Paddy Power, just sent out a memo to the masses. They’re letting us in on a little secret: about 800,000 customers have had their identities waltzed away by some sneaky third party, as reported by the Irish Times. Talk about a party crasher! 🎉