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Bitcoin’s doing that thing where it breaks out of a channel, but not in the sexy way anyone hopes for. It’s going bearish, and guess what? Suddenly, everyone’s talking about “profit taking” at $106,000. Are we all day traders now? Where did these people come from?

Sure, there were whispers (and tweets, and smoke signals) about corruption and political shenanigans, but who cares? The market is eating it up! TRUMP meme coin rocketed nearly 50% this month, which is almost as high as my cholesterol after a state dinner. Don’t worry: if you’re thinking of dumping your TRUMP tokens, there’s a *financial reason* not to. (It’s called blackmail, but with a nice suit.)

“Traders are feeling a little too confident about this $200 mark, having gone long on the June expiration last week,” quipped Greg Magadini, Amberdata’s director of derivatives. In a fittingly dramatic email, he revealed, “This was the biggest block trade of the week, totalling 50,000 contracts for a whopping $263,000 premium.”

But wait, there’s more! These top 220 holders will also be graced with a unique NFT collection, a digital treasure to flaunt in their virtual vaults. And for the rest of us mere mortals who dared to participate, well, an exclusive TRUMP NFT has been created. A token for the masses, perhaps?

On May 9, BlackRock decided it was time to update the registration statement for its iShares Bitcoin ETF (IBIT) – the grandmaster of Bitcoin ETFs, with about $64 billion in net assets. What did they update? Oh, just a little something about the potential risks quantum computing poses to the integrity of the Bitcoin network. Small stuff, really.

While Ripple’s ecosystem is, shall we say, “well-capitalized,” Hoskinson couldn’t help but point out that the XRPL’s technical limitations were rather like trying to build a skyscraper with a handful of sand. The solution, according to the maestro himself? Well, why not add a computational layer to the ledger? Nothing too fancy, just a bit of extra horsepower to sprinkle in smart contracts and allow for some rather grown-up real-world asset (RWA) integration. Simple, really. Only the future of crypto is at stake.

“Two minutes before the exploit, we saw something suspicious—a nasty smart contract deploying itself, ready to ruin someone’s day. It then went after the Mobius Tokens,” Cyvers explained, sounding almost too calm for a situation like this.