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BTC topped $100,000 last Thursday. Yes, you read that right. And it wasn’t just a fleeting moment of glory. Oh no, it’s stayed above that $2 trillion mark, probably due to some US inflation data that might push it even higher. Analysts are practically having a party over this. 🥳

Meanwhile, some whale gossip surfaced, with murmurs of increased accumulation, alongside a not-so-subtle nod to the $0.75 support level. Oh, the suspense!

If you’ve picked up a piece of Bitcoin within the last 155 days, congratulations! You now belong to a ragtag fellowship known as the ‘Short-Term Holders’ (STHs). Think of them as the jittery squirrels at a nut sale, always twitching with every market gust. The other group, of course, are the ‘Long-Term Holders’ (LTHs)—stoic, grizzled types who still reminisce about that time they bought coffee using half a Bitcoin.

Out in the digital wildlands, Metaplanet got it in their head to rustle up fifteen million dollars’ worth of bonds, not a whiff of interest in sight. Zero percent, like a desert dried up in July. Why? To pile more Bitcoin on their already-laden wagon. If you think that’s wild, you’re not wrong. Somewhere, a … Read more

The neighbors, unimpressed until now, began to peer through their yellowed curtains: a 4% lurch skyward in 24 hours, 6% for the week—a display almost athletic enough to dislodge someone from the samovar. Trading activity exploded, shrieking with the frenzy of $10.83 billion exchanging hands, all perhaps for the mere promise of a slightly fancier overcoat.

And what did the NCPPR provide as their reasoning? Well, they were kind enough to reference Dell’s brief flirtation with crypto payments, the ever-growing wave of Bitcoin’s institutional love affair, and, naturally, the looming threat of inflation. All classic justifications for such an “innovative” move. They even brought BlackRock into the mix, citing their recent endorsement of a modest 2% Bitcoin allocation. As if BlackRock’s nod to crypto was a modern-day oracle of financial wisdom! 📉

Coinglass claims over $530 million got liquidated in the last 24 hours. That’s… approximately infinity in relatable terms. Nearly $200 million vanished in bitcoin’s little misadventure, with ether (ETH) pulling a $170 million disappearing act. Houdini would be proud. 🪄

Picture this: bonds yielding not even a whiff of interest, issued exclusively to the mysterious EVO FUND, each with the princely sum of $375,000 face value. “Interest?” you ask. “Absolutely not,” retorts Metaplanet, chin aloft, monocle in place. At maturity in November 2025, buyers receive precisely what they invested. No charming coupons, just a brisk handshake and—a trifle anticlimactically—their money back. Early redemption is permitted too, in case the spirit moves one (or panic, as is occasionally known).

And here we go again, folks: drama, drama, drama. The latest tempest in the Bitcoin teapot is the OP_RETURN policy changes coming to Bitcoin Core—the software that’s supposed to hold the digital gold standard together but is instead causing a bit of a stir. Enter Samson Mow, CEO of JAN3, with a radical solution: a fork! Yes, folks, a good ol’ Bitcoin Core fork to fix everything that’s wrong, because apparently, pushing through changes with the current structure is as effective as using a spoon to scoop water from a sinking ship.

The tale’s beginning? It was not Tolstoyan in grandeur, nor even Dostoevskian in desperation. No, it was simply Ran Neuner (a man not unlike the crafty stewards forever whispering nonsense in noble ears), founder of the curious Crypto Banter, who declared—on X, no less—that some new coin would appear within seventy-two hours. We have to appreciate the audacity! One wonders if, in imperial Russia, such declarations would have triggered duels or—far more likely—lengthy, melancholic discussions about fate and serfdom.