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Taking a break from his To-Do list (“1. Tweet. 2. Golf. 3. Fix all trade ever.”), Trump swaggered onto Truth Social. He declared, with the subtlety of a marching band in a library, that this deal will rake in $6 billion in external revenue from 10% tariffs. Yes, six BILLION—which is also the number of times he says “tremendous” in a week.
Apparently, dear reader, BlackRock was not summoned with a subpoena, but invited itself with the subtlety of an heiress to a champagne brunch—likely carrying circulars that are now being giggled over by crypto enthusiasts everywhere.
Let’s not get addled: you’re not stuffing Bitcoin into a monogrammed coin purse. Rather, your crypto wallet is standing sentry over your private keys—those deliciously complicated gobbets of cryptography that say, in effect, “Step aside, peasants. The wealth is mine!” With the right wallet, you become the lord of your (digital) manor, unbothered by meddlesome banks or sharp-nosed regulators.
If the fates are smiling (and the Toronto Stock Exchange along with every single shareholder nods in trembling agreement at their big meeting on May 9), then by mid-May we might just see Galaxy strutting on the Nasdaq with a brand new ticker—GLXY. Frankly, with a name like that, you’d expect stardust to come flying out of your brokerage account.
Following whispers and scandalous reports, it appears that Abu Dhabi’s MGX intends to employ a USD1 stablecoin—issued by none other than the Trump-linked World Liberty Financial—to fund its investment in the top crypto exchange. One must marvel at the audacity!
The market minds have spoken: SOL’s ready for a big breakout in the next trading session. Can it pull it off, or will it trip over its own blockchain shoelaces?
The bean counters down at Farside Investors claimed spot Bitcoin (BTC) ETFs raked in a whopping $142.3 million on May 7—more money than you’d find at the bottom of a prospector’s dream. Obchakevich, who’s as much a researcher as he is a man with a mouthful of vowels for a last name, called it “sustained institutional interest.” Well, Alex, that’s about as surprising as cucumbers in a garden patch with all those hedge funds and asset managers trundling into the market, buying up regulated paper promises like they’re stocking a tornado shelter.
With the zeal of a commissar clutching ration cards, Bitcoin slipped beyond this arbitrary barricade, momentum lumbering forth with the inevitability of a prison roll call. The buyers, emboldened, glanced nervously at one another. Had anyone told them the last time they’d witness such heights, their laughter might well have earned them three years in the camps, but here we are.
As of May 2025, Unichain now commands an astonishing 75% of Uniswap v4’s market share, whilst poor Ethereum, once the indisputable leader, has fallen below 20%. How the mighty have fallen! 😲 According to DeFillama, this shift is quite the spectacle indeed.
At this most debonair hour, the CoinDesk 20 pirouettes at a princely 3138.72—up 6.0%, or 178.07, since the last bell tolled at 4 p.m. ET on Thursday. If only my stocks performed with such enthusiasm when I languish at afternoon tea.