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Since April 16, Bitcoin ETFs have seen over $5.13 billion in net inflows. That’s like throwing a party, and guess who’s the life of it? BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust, which casually added $4.7 billion in just a few weeks. Easy, right?

Hyperliquid (HYPE) is back from the crypto graveyard, rocketing a dizzying 105% in just a month and jumping the $20 hurdle with the grace of a caffeinated hare. It now perches at $21.18 (+5.39% daily), boasts a $7.07B market cap, and counts $127.66M in daily volume (+47.19%). Its former high? $35.02, scored in December 2024. Some traders are crossing fingers, toes, and possibly tentacles for a full comeback story.

In a dazzling display of modern confession on X (which feels less like a letter to friends, more like a scream into the void), came this proclamation:

So, let’s talk charts, because apparently, that’s what the smart people do. Multi-timeframe action—sounds sophisticated—still bullish. Daily chart looks good, climbing like my blood pressure from mid-April, hitting $97,938 and then, of course, getting all shy and “consolidating.” Volume drops off a bit after—makes sense, even crypto traders need bathroom breaks. Super strong support at $92,000, resistance at $98,000. So what do we need? Breakout with volume. Yeah, just like every relationship—needs a little push, a little confirmation… or it fizzles out. $100,000 is sitting there, waving, and Bitcoin might just text it back. Or not. It’s moody.

Some say momentum is building, like the anticipation before payday—CasiTrades says so anyway, and out here, you take hope where you find it. XRP drifts, slipping toward the “most critical support test in weeks.” The gods of the chart—those grim Fibonacci tyrants—have laid their trap: swing high at $2.3622 (so lofty you’d get a nosebleed), swing low at $1.6169 (where optimism goes to die). In between, the “golden ratio,” that sacred 61.8% at $1.9016, as if coins care for holiness.

The latest acquisition, valued at a modest $54.4 million, was made at a price of $96,134 per coin. This is, of course, according to Simon Gerovich, CEO and the mastermind behind Metaplanet’s digital gold rush, who spilled the beans on X (not to be confused with the late-night snack, though it’s just as thrilling). 🍿

At precisely six o’clock in the morning – a time suitable only for over-caffeinated programmers and agitated roosters – this Pectra upgrade graced the chain, attended by all the gravitas of a formal ball and focusing its energies on improving validators, ascending Layer Two (that is, L2, if you enjoy an air of mystique), and the ever-troublesome wallets, which, much like bonnets, never seem to fit quite properly.

The Pectra update promises to elevate the Ethereum blockchain, introducing some rather exciting new features. Among the improvements, expect reduced layer-2 transaction costs and the introduction of 6 blobs per block. Validators will have the delightful task of consolidating 2,048 ETH, and EIP-7702 will bring smart contract functionality to wallets. Yes, you read that right – wallets getting smarter!

Picture, if you will, a quiet Russian village, obscured by morning mist. Into this metaphorical mist wanders Tornado Cash — a decentralized, non-custodial mixer nestled on the endless steppe of public blockchains. Here, privacy is less a luxury and more a frosty necessity, and so, armed with smart contracts and those enigmatic zero-knowledge proofs, Tornado Cash conceals the onchain link between sender and receiver as meticulously as any mother in the provinces arranges her samovar for afternoon tea.

Enter Cyclop, an analyst who sounds like he should be guarding the gates of a Greco-Ethereum underworld rather than issuing price predictions. He’s squinting into the data and reckons that, if the universe doesn’t decide to throw a surprise asteroid, Ethereum might moonwalk up to the $2,500 mark by the end of the month. Bold stuff! Or, as Zaphod would say, very hoopy, Ford.