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According to the latest missive (presumably delivered by a small, panicked owl) from CryptoQuant, that esteemed coven of market soothsayers, something called the Trading Volume Ratio is currently doing a passable impression of a stunned hedgehog—namely, lying well below 1.0. If this is starting to sound like mathematics, don’t worry. It’s mostly just wizards arguing about whose numbers are more numerically impressive.

In the midst of this bullish fever dream, Hyperliquid has managed to do what every self-respecting platform in the crypto jungle must – not just survive, but thrive. DeFi is on the march, and with open interest soaring, the crypto community is left buzzing, or perhaps just humming in slight disbelief. A little more than a few excited tweets and ‘to the moon’ memes, one might imagine.

In the midst of this bullish fever dream, Hyperliquid has managed to do what every self-respecting platform in the crypto jungle must – not just survive, but thrive. DeFi is on the march, and with open interest soaring, the crypto community is left buzzing, or perhaps just humming in slight disbelief. A little more than a few excited tweets and ‘to the moon’ memes, one might imagine.

Picture this: Paschal Donohoe—yes, the Eurogroup president, not someone you met at a karaoke bar—just gave a speech at the European Anti-Financial Crime Summit 2025 in Dublin. Spoiler: it wasn’t about the best places for a pint. Instead, he revealed that the EU is coming after crypto’s black box like it’s trying to win “Whodunnit?” on expert mode. If you hold crypto and enjoy secrets, might want to loosen that collar a bit.

The town crier, Santiment—always with the keen eye for smoke rising—tells us nearly 350,000 fresh-faced wallets have elbowed their way onto the blockchain. Picture it: peasants, factory foremen, and nervous grandmothers alike, rushing in, afraid to be left holding only forgotten memories and expired lottery tickets.

Of course, the cynics (and certain divorce lawyers) will point out this is still a tidy 8.4% below January’s apogee of $109,000, which all but proves that even cryptocurrencies suffer myriad indignities before expiration. Still, for the hopeful (or hopeless), the prospect of more “upside” remains as irresistible as a free lunch, particularly when someone else is footing the bill.

So, Gallup asks 1,006 Americans, “Where do you want to stick your money for the long haul?” What do they say? Real estate, baby—same as last year, maybe even more. Can you blame them? People love bricks and grass. You can kick it, you can mow it, you can put up a tacky lawn flamingo. Try doing that with crypto. Try. 🦩

ETH’s been on a gallop, leaping resistance like a mule running from Sunday service. Smacked straight through $2,300 and now eyeballin’ the 200 EMA around $2,500 like it’s the last piece of pie at Thanksgiving. Folks are hollerin’ that the trend’s about to flip harder than Aunt Polly with a stack of pancakes.

Ethereum, nearing the majestic and wholly arbitrary $2,000 threshold, finds itself the object of both optimism and dread. While certain market jesters claim the wind is shifting, on-chain data has all the clarity of spilled borscht on a bank statement. BorisVest, with all the glee of a doomsday prophet balancing his ledgers, remarks on Binance’s ETH signals as “mixed.” Short-term stats shriek “doom!” while the longer-term ones whisper, “have faith, you coward.”

Back in 2019, Pi Network sashayed onto the crypto stage in a cloud of promise and idealism, waving its little flag that read: “Mine crypto on your phone, darling! No techie kit. No transformer-sized electricity bills. Just you, your index finger, and the daily ‘tap to mine’ button.”