jpyxx “To cloak a decentralized Ponzi scheme in the very fabric of patriotism!” Schiff declared to the digital masses, his outrage palpable as pen met paper (or rather, finger met keyboard). “Has society learned nothing from history? Or do we simply enjoy repeating our follies with renewed vigor?”
Dogecoin, that shaggy underdog of crypto, barks louder than its bite—yet today, the bite seems sharper. 📈 Trading volumes surge like the drunken enthusiasm of a peasant at a fair, and charts glow greener than a bureaucrat’s envy. Will it leap to $0.36? Or collapse like a card table in a gambling den? Place your bets, comrades! 🎰
Hold onto your hats, because President Trump just signed the GENIUS Act into law! 🎉 It’s the first time the U.S. has said “Hey, let’s make some rules for these stablecoins!” This could unleash a tidal wave of institutional cash and make crypto as popular as a hot dog at a baseball game.🌭⚾
According to Glassnode, Ethereum has somehow managed to outsell Bitcoin in the futures trading volume stakes again. Who knew? The trading volume, for those who need a refresher, is like a report card for how much people are trading on exchanges 📊. And, apparently, Ethereum got an A+ this time.
It seems like the U.S. crypto landscape is finally getting a bit of the old Western spirit, where the law is written and rewritten by those who dare to ride the range. U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) Commissioner Hester Peirce announced on July 18 that the GENIUS Act, now officially inked into law, has cleared up the murky waters surrounding payment stablecoins by declaring them not securities. 🎉
In Q2 2025, the three banks reported billions of dollars in losses from “net charge-offs” — loans written off after payments failed. JPMorgan Chase led with $2.4 billion, driven by bad credit card debt. Citi wiped $2.234 billion, including $1.889 billion tied to retail cards. Wells Fargo recorded $977 million in net charge-offs, fueled by $818 million in sour consumer loans.
Now, for those of us who *didn’t* buy in at the first whiff of potential, the question becomes: when do we jump in? Do we risk looking like those chaps who bought Beanie Babies just as the market corrected? A truly unsettling thought.
The creature, this Mantle, has been attempting to ascend a channel, a most unsuitable architectural endeavor for something so intrinsically unstable. Last week, it briefly escaped a prolonged period of melancholy (a “multi-month downtrend,” they call it, the journalists. Such melodrama!), flitting up from a paltry $0.72 to a fleeting high of $0.85. Naturally, it was promptly slapped back down to earth, a rather rude awakening, wouldn’t you agree?
With over 99% of participants backing this decision (presumably the other 1% were too busy Googling “What is a WLFI?”), the protocol is now preparing for listings, token unlocks, and a veritable avalanche of strategic announcements. One imagines the team behind this endeavor resembling a troupe of circus jugglers, each tossing exchange agreements and unlock schedules into the air while trying not to drop anything important. Or dignified.
Saylor, in between sips of his “Bitcoin Standard”-branded espresso 🏴☠️, casually tweeted that MicroStrategy’s stock has delivered a ludicrous 3,588% return. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s measly 905% gain over the same period is just… adorable. 💅 Stocks, bonds, real estate? Baby numbers. MSTR is out here playing in the Wolf of Wall Street league while everyone else is stuck on Monopoly.
