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The scheme, revealed on May 14 (one hopes accompanied by brass bands and fanfare), signals ETH’s ambitions to dethrone those dull old financial systems; outdoing not simply the bank manager, but — with a little luck — the very concept of cash itself.

The price of Grass shot up to an impressive $2.4078, which, if you check your calendar, is nearly a 70% jump from its monthly low. That means, theoretically, if you bought low, you’re probably dancing around the living room right now. Meanwhile, the market cap is now a glorious $578 million, and daily trading volume has jumped an astronomical 215% to $151 million. I’m sure someone somewhere is frantically rewriting their predictions.

According to a tweet (because pronouncements carved into stone tablets went out with the Bronze Age), Coinbase hinted that wrapped versions of your favorite coins—let’s call them cbADA, cbLTC, cbXRP, and cbDOGE—are on the horizon. That’s right: your coins wrapped up snug as a dwarfish breakfast roll, just waiting to be unwrapped by excitable investors everywhere. 🥐

“While you noble souls were busy fawning over COIN’s debut in the mighty S&P, dear old XRP tiptoed right out of the shadows,” BigMike announced, twirling his chart-pointer like a conductor’s baton. The applause was palpable—mostly from himself.

Of course, the SEC loves a good delay more than Augustus Gloop loves chocolate cake. They’ve got a 240-day window to waste, and they’ll stretch it out like an everlasting gobstopper.

So, what’s the deal here? Turns out, it’s all about South Korea, folks. The trading volume across major Korean exchanges—mainly Upbit and Bithumb—has gone through the roof. A cool $1.2 billion in XRP/KRW trading in just 24 hours. That’s a lot of money, right? Of course it is. I’m not exactly sitting on a pile of cash here to casually toss around, but $1.2 billion is *something.* And the real kicker? XRP/KRW has made up over 18% of the volume on these exchanges. Talk about dominance. 🎯

Zug, the undisputed champion in this digital circus, gnaws up 14% new web3 companies this year alone. Over 40% of Crypto Valley’s firms are packed so tightly in Zug that you’d think blockchain was a specialty cheese. Zürich trails behind, clutching its 15%, probably sulking over coffee lattes. Meanwhile, the likes of Ticino, Geneva, and Luzern continue straining to catch up—fueled, perhaps, by dreams of one day owning more than just immaculate lakes and dull respectability.

But wait—here’s the plot twist. In contrast to that yawner of a sideways grind, good ol’ BTC has only spent a measly 5.76 months in expansion. And, let’s not forget those glorious 36 days of actual, significant price increases—four of which happened recently. Could this be the flicker before the firestorm? 😏

Apparently, scammers have stepped up their game—they’re now distributing links so authentic-looking, they could probably fool your grandmother, your dog, and at least two U.S. senators. Click on one, and you’re redirected faster than you can say “blockchain” to a malicious website that’s only too happy to relieve you of your login credentials. And that’s just the start.

Nansen, famed for peering into the blockchain’s innards with clinical fascination, has shuffled onto the stage as a validator for MANTRA Chain. Now, “validator” is one of those job titles that sounds made up, like “Digital Prophet” or “Sandwich Artist,” but here it apparently means keeping the network all secure, decentralized, and—brace yourselves—compliant.