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It looks like Cardano’s found its mojo again, melting the market’s navel-gazing. According to the venerable Jesse Peralta, ADA is sitting pretty in “Strong Buy” territory—no sell signals in sight, just nine blinks of neutrality, and thirteen shouting “Buy, buy, buy!” It’s a regular jam session in indicator land, especially when everyone’s attention is dabbling in Ethereum and Solana. One can’t help but wonder if Cardano is the tortoise finally giving the hare a run for its money. 🐢🐇

Ukraine, bless its heart, dreams of becoming the first European nation to hoard Bitcoin like a miser counting kopecks. Lawmaker Yaroslav Zhelezniak, a name that rolls off the tongue like a particularly mournful balalaika tune, assures us that a bill is in the works. Binance, that bastion of modern finance, lends its weighty approval. One can almost hear the faint strains of a revolutionary anthem mixed with the clinking of digital coins. 🎶

Bitcoin (BTC), in a display of Monday morning blues, opened the week with a rather sharp about-face. This followed an “unsustainable Sunday rally,” which sounds a bit like a teetotaler suddenly discovering the joys of champagne. 🥂 This impulsive sell-off, like a butler announcing the arrival of the bailiffs, brought the asset back to a crucial support zone. However, fear not! The broader picture, they say, remains optimistic. One might even crack a smile. 😊

Imagine a world where Donald Trump, that master of surprise, now hoards over half a billion dollars worth of ETH. Yes, the same man who called crypto a “disaster waiting to happen”—a real estate mogul turned crypto collector! Who knew? Maybe he’s planning to turn the White House into an NFT gallery. 😂

Bitcoin (BTC) dropped all the way down to $102,870, having flirted with the $106,000 neighborhood just the day before. Ethereum (ETH)? That slipped to $2,400, probably trying to find its lost shoes. Meanwhile, the total market capitalization of all these digital darlings shrank by 1.67%, settling at a modest $3.25 trillion. Just a speck on the grand canvas, folks. 😅

Last week alone, a princely sum of $785 million flooded into these digital coffers, boosting the year-to-date total to that majestic figure. Analyst reports from CoinShares, those glittering sages of the crypto realm, assure us this is merely the beginning of mass mania. Clearly, the true believers are alive and well, or perhaps just intoxicated by the siren call of digital ducats.

The chart for $ETH narrates a tragic, almost Shakespearean tragedy—lower highs and lower lows, descending like the moral decline of a man betrayed by his own hubris. Since reaching the tragic peak of $2,737, it seems as if $ETH is caught in an inexorable slide down to the pit, with $2,500 standing firm as the cruel gatekeeper. Oh, the agony of resistance! The bulls rally, gripping onto hope, as the Stochastic RSI teeters on the brink—perhaps signaling a rebirth, perhaps heralding doom. Such is the dance of despair! 🎭

Now, Hayes, who now runs a family fund called Maelstron, sits back and claims Ethereum will “lead this rally.” Because, naturally, everyone likes a good leader—especially when the leader is worth thousands of dollars. ETH has been bouncing around the $2,700 mark, a number that seems to fill the investors’ eyes with dreams of $4,000 or more—could it really happen? Who knows, perhaps Ethereum will pick this occasion to outshine all others, as was its habit in the past. Or, it might just rest on its laurels, tired after a long run.

And it’s not just for the crypto exchanges. Trusts, charities, and anyone playing in the digital asset sandbox need to get in line. Because, you know, what the world really needs right now is more paperwork and nosey government officials. Sounds fun, right? 😊