jpyxx The digital gold standard, Bitcoin, and its lesser-known cousin, Ethereum, have plunged like a lead balloon at a hot-air balloon festival. BTC lost 4.5%, ETH a staggering 8.1% in 24 hours. One might assume they were fleeing a fire sale-or perhaps just dodging Tom Lee’s latest forecast.
The report spills the tea: despite all the bearish chatter, no one’s changed their positions. They’re just sitting there, watching their losses pile up like unpaid parking tickets. 10x says this is where the real action starts. 🕵️♂️
Swissblock, that stoic bard of crypto, whispers of BTC’s potential stabilization. Meanwhile, QCP Capital and Nansen, those grim prophets of market mayhem, warn of a descent to $80k-a price so low, one might mistake it for a typo. 😅
Crypto Patel, the wise old owl of the crypto realm, declares Ethereum has confirmed a “Break of Structure” at $2,940. “Sellers still hold the reins,” he says, as if that weren’t obvious. He adds that “smart money” might soon coax the price into a “premium zone,” where past chart mishaps could be… ahem… “balanced.” Balancing a ledger? Or balancing a checkbook? Who knows. 🧠
Institutional clients collectively shouted, “We’re out!” as Bitcoin failed to hit $100K, triggering the largest net negative flow in IBIT’s history. It’s like a party where everyone left early because the DJ played “Despacito” one too many times.
The Kraken, that most elusive of creatures, disclosed at precisely 10 a.m. Eastern time on Nov. 19 that it had submitted a confidential Form S-1 to the SEC, embarking on the grand masquerade of a potential stock offering. One might imagine the SEC clerks clutching their tea mugs in existential dread, wondering if they’ll retire before this circus concludes. No share counts or pricing ranges were specified-because nothing says “trust” like leaving the price tag blank! The timing? Dependent on the SEC’s “review” and “market conditions,” which is just Wall Street code for “we’ll see how the cookies crumble.”
The Epstein Files Transparency Act (H.R. 4405) is a veritable treasure map to the DOJ’s deepest, darkest corners. It demands the release of nearly all unclassified records, including flight logs, emails, and the mysterious “Ghislaine Maxwell file.” One might say it’s the ultimate game of Clue… but with more subpoenas. 🕵️♂️
The local scribes of Capital News doth report that these “Bankless Bitcoin” contraptions have taken their place beside the humble banking kiosks in the grand malls. Cash-to-crypto, they offer, as if the very coins of the realm were but playthings for the masses. 🤑
StarkNet, the zero-knowledge (ZK) rollup wunderkind, is on a mission to make Ethereum transactions as cheap and fast as a McDonald’s drive-thru. Their latest trick? On-chain staking, where holders can earn rewards by delegating or validating with a cool 20,000 STRK. It’s like a crypto savings account, but with more pizzazz. 🌟
With this suspiciously large pile of cash, Kraken plans to invade new markets like a caffeinated Napoleon, build “asset offerings” (cryptocurrency’s version of party tricks), and practice IPO yoga-stretching its limbs for a 2024 stock market debut. 🚀
