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The ever-elusive price of our dear Bitcoin (BTC) remains astonishingly apathetic, teetering on the precipice of yesterday’s inconclusiveness. One would think it had stumbled upon a cat video instead of the market. 🐱💻

Ethereum has been riding a wave so high it’s making the Grand Canyon jealous. With a solid 60% jump in a month, it’s practically screaming, “Look at me!”

Crypto hacks, those pesky little things that keep us all on our toes, continue to plague crypto protocols. On the fateful Monday, July 28, a critical vulnerability on the NFT platform SuperRare (RARE) allowed attackers to steal an estimated $730,000 in RARE tokens. According to several crypto security platforms, including the ever-vigilant Blockaid, the attackers targeted one of SuperRare’s staking contracts, no doubt with the subtlety of a rhinoceros in a china shop. 🏦💥

But wait, there’s more! In the last week, 45 million of those little beauties were minted. And get this, on July 23, the RLUSD Treasury decided to mint a casual 25,000,000 RLUSD, and just two days later, another 20,000,000 followed suit. All of this was dutifully tracked by the Ripple Stablecoin Tracker (because who wouldn’t want to track stablecoins on a Tuesday?)

In a report polished and sent flirtatiously across the Financial Times’ desk, analysts Alex Saunders and Nathaniel Rupert—two chaps who clearly haven’t missed an episode of “Market Mysteries”—have concocted a new model for valuing digital coinage. Their method? To count, more or less, the number of keen beans itching to join the Bitcoin bash. Market science or counting heads at the club entrance? You decide! 😏

This week, in an epistolary flourish on the official ECB website, Schaaf conjured forth a plethora of strategic musings beseeching the European Union to respond to the rapid ascendance of dollar-based stablecoins. Hark! What strategy might save us from this currency conundrum?

Picture this: a shopper, perhaps a dabbling poet or a caffeinated philosopher, casually choosing to pay for their artisanal avocado toast not with crumpled bills but with the ethereal embrace of digital currency. How quaint! This audacious update saunters in to simplify the art of transactions, flinging open the gates of possibility for customers yearning to swap their hard-earned bitcoins for everyday baubles and necessities. 🥑💳

Now, amid this circus of geopolitical saber-rattling, everyone’s eyes swivel to Bitcoin. Will its shiny upward march stumble? Historically, when Trump throws his tantrums and war drums beat, Bitcoin cowers like a kicked dog. It hit a new peak after the Iran-Israel dust-up settled, but now it’s loitering just below, eyeing that $120,000 wall it smacked into today. Down it slid to around $118,500, filling some pesky CME gap. Oh, the drama! 😂

Founder Sreeram Kannan (aka the guy who probably hasn’t slept since 2021) called this a “key moment” in Eigenlayer’s mission to scale decentralized infrastructure. Because nothing says “key moment” like syncing validator data across chains while pretending you’re not stressed. 😅

Trading volume? Roared past $3B. Open interest? Surged above $1.71B. This isn’t just a weekend pump—it’s a full-blown crypto renaissance, darling. 🌟 And guess what? Institutions are here too, with Nano Labs and WindTree throwing their treasury money into the ring. $1,000–$2,000 by Q4? Don’t mind if I do. 🤑