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The very serious and totally not awkward BRICS virtual summit convened yesterday, summoned by Brazilian President Luiz Inácio ‘Lula’ da Silva – a man whose name alone is a samba beat for global diplomacy. The summit extolled the virtues of multilateralism, which is just a fancy way of saying “Let’s all pretend we’re playing nice,” but conspicuously skipped the part where Washington is the puppeteer pulling tariff strings.

On a Monday shrouded in dread (as all Mondays are), the CTO took to the cursed X platform, his words dripping with the solemnity of a priest exorcising demons. A reputable open-source maintainer’s npm account had been compromised, he proclaimed, and malicious updates now slither through the software libraries like a serpent in the Garden of Eden. 🐍

What makes this rally stand out is not just the technical breakout but the fundamental catalyst behind it. Safety Shot, a Nasdaq-listed beverage company, invested $25 million into BONK while also securing a 10% revenue-sharing stake in Bonk.fun. This move aligns big money with Solana’s meme economy. Thereby, reinforcing BONK’s growing role as more than just a speculative play. 🎩💰

So here’s the lowdown:

Thus, comrades, Bloomberg, that chronicler of capitalist odysseys, whispers (with all the subtlety of a debt collector at midnight) that Ant Digital, under Jack Ma’s watchful and perhaps mischievous eye, is currently trying its hand at tokenizing 60 billion yuan’s worth of power infrastructure-all on the sacred altar of AntChain. Picture it-thousands upon thousands of wind turbines, solar panels, and other energy devices standing vigil as their output and outages are shipped off in ones and zeros, their very souls forever bound to the blockchain. ☁️⚡

Upbit, the undisputed heavyweight champion of South Korea’s crypto market, confirmed this news at their Upbit D Conference 2025 on a fine Monday. Nothing says “I’m serious” like a big conference reveal. 💼💡

Forward Industries, in a moment of madness, revealed its plans for a private investment in public equity (PIPE) offering, a $1.65 billion plunge into the abyss of crypto speculation. 🧨

But wait, there’s more! BeInCrypto has donned its crystal ball (or possibly just squinted at some charts) and identified two other altcoins that might hit new all-time highs this week-if the market doesn’t suddenly decide to throw a tantrum, of course. Let’s dive into the cryptoverse’s latest contenders for greatness, shall we?

Canaan, in a statement worthy of a West End play, announced that Luxor now offers its clients non-dilutive financing at “competitive rates” and “low collateral requirements.” The duo insists this is for the benefit of “institutional operators” who, let’s face it, probably have better things to do than juggle cash flow and terahash rates. 🤝

Yet, fear not, dear reader, for the SwissBorg app and its other Earn products remain unscathed, as proclaimed in a post on X. The pilfered SOL tokens, valued at a staggering $41 million, are but a trifle in the grand scheme of their coffers. 💰