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The whispers started, as they always do, through the digital ether. Coinbase, that exchange of fleeting fortunes, has dared to accumulate more Bitcoin than Elon Musk’s company. Yes, that Tesla. The Q2 report spilled the beans – another 2,509 Bitcoins added to the coffers, a cool $222 million diverted from… well, from somewhere. Armstrong, that staunch believer, chirped on X, “Coinbase is long bitcoin.” As if we hadn’t already noticed. A bold proclamation, really, considering the inherent instability of it all. 😅

The Georgia Resilience & Opportunity (GRO) Fund is rolling out its “Freedom Futures” program, promising a no-strings-attached monthly income of $500 for 48 months—that’s a cool $24,000 over four years—to a select few. Because who needs a job when you can get free money? 🤑

The esteemed 26 EMA has been breached, the price exhibiting a distinct lack of resistance to this downward trend. While the volume remains…moderate, suggesting perhaps a lack of outright panic, it also intimates a regrettable absence of purchasing enthusiasm. The RSI, hovering in the high 40s, offers further confirmation of waning momentum, dipping below the neutral zone like a dropped handkerchief.

In what could be seen as a monumental leap or a bureaucratic dance, the United States Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has unveiled “Project Crypto.” Leading this endeavor, SEC Chairman Paul S. Atkins, announced the initiative at the digital finance revolution conference in Washington, promising to redefine the regulatory landscape of crypto assets and blockchain technologies under federal laws. But let’s not get too excited yet—this is the government we’re talking about. 🏛️😂

On a rather uneventful Friday, Bitcoin decided to dip below the mystical $115,000 mark, landing at a rather unimpressive $114,250 on Coinbase. This unfortunate fall from grace coincided with Trump’s announcement of new tariffs aimed at several unsuspecting countries, leaving investors wondering if they should invest in Bitcoin or just buy a nice, cozy blanket instead.

In a statement released Friday, the Fed said Kugler’s resignation will take effect on Aug. 8. She didn’t spill the tea on why she’s leaving, but hey, who needs a reason when you can just say you’re going back to your academic post at Georgetown University? Her term was supposed to end in January, but clearly, she couldn’t wait to get out of dodge. 🏃‍♀️💨

Since its debut in 2022, Indonesia’s crypto tax revenues have been the financial equivalent of a soap opera. According to a recent report, the government raked in IDR 24.6 billion in 2022. By 2024, that number ballooned to IDR 62 billion—a jump so dramatic, it could only be described as *crypto-magic*. ✨ But, as fate (and the market) would have it, 2023 saw a nosedive to IDR 22 billion. Fast forward to 2025, and the year-to-date revenue is a mere IDR 11.5 billion. Someone call the financial therapist! 💸

This wasn’t just luck or fairy dust. No, no—two main things *actually* drove this rocket: Telegram’s growth spurt and the hype for staking. Together, they sucked folks in, shrank the supply, and made everyone trust the process. Trust—imagine that in crypto! 🧐

Enter JayDee, the so-called prophet of the digital age, with his charts and fancy words. He says XRP’s on the brink of a biblical crescendo, ready to explode in a glorious surge, only to crash down like a drunken lumberjack. Imagine that: a rise so high it’s almost poetic, then a nosedive that’d make even the bravest traders grab their coffee and run.

The real drama? Transaction revenue tanked 39% to $764 million. It’s like trying to sell ice to a polar bear, but with way more sighs and fewer penguins. Meanwhile, Coinbase’s “innovations” included a $307 million data breach bill. Because who doesn’t want to pay for their own cybercrime?