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Apparently, the FCA’s new plan is all about adapting their dusty old financial rulebook to the shiny, mysterious world of cryptoassets. David Geale, the FCA’s executive director for payments and digital finance, pointed out the obvious: just slapping traditional finance rules onto crypto is like trying to fit a square peg into a round blockchain. Geale said, “You have to recognize that some of these things are very different,” which is code for, “We’re still figuring this stuff out, folks.”

The Federal Reserve, that enigmatic institution, is gearing up to cut rates by a humble 25 basis points, sending whispers of “easing” across the market like a soft breeze at a billionaire’s yacht party. But wait, the plot thickens-markets are pricing in six more cuts through 2026. Traders, with bated breath, are glued to their screens, awaiting the SEP and Powell’s ever-so-eager-to-speak press conference. Risk assets are doing a little jig in the hopes of easing, but a hawkish dot plot? Oops, that could pop the party. Oh, and don’t forget crypto! It’s still underperforming stocks, as usual, despite all the liquidity showers. Aww, poor Bitcoin. 🍸

In what can only be described as a solid reaction worthy of a soap opera, BONK gained a staggering 4%-peaking at a jaw-dropping $0.0000242. SUI and LTC joined the party too, rising modestly like they were trying to impress someone, even though the SEC keeps delaying and dragging its feet into November. 🙄

According to the illustrious “Economic Times” (yes, that’s a real paper, not just scribbles from a fortune cookie), they’re bringing in fresh meat-uh, I mean a newly hired security auditor-from the Indian Computer Emergency Response Team (CERT-In). These folks are the real superheroes of cyberspace, swooping in to save us from digital disasters faster than a speeding bullet! 🦸‍♂️💥

Miss Peirce, in all her regulatory glory, made plain as a frog’s croak that her job is to sit on the fence-right in the middle-and keep an eagle eye on these newfangled digital doodads without pickin’ favorites.

Anchornote cleverly ropes in Bridgeport to act as the middleman, coordinating messages like an overworked event planner trying to get multiple trading venues to play nice simultaneously. This means institutional clients can trade across platforms without the usual hassle of moving their assets out of heavily-regulated custody – because who needs extra heartburn? The initial launch is Switzerland-only, which feels like the fintech equivalent of an exclusive nightclub, with promises to expand throughout Europe once everyone’s had their fondue and decided they’re ready.

Mr. Runefelt, with a persuasiveness that would put the most skilled matchmaker to shame, convinced the aforementioned organization to embrace the enigmatic world of crypto, thereby unlocking a veritable floodgate of global donors. Mr. Garreth Wood, the co-founder and chairman of KidsOR, declared to CryptoMoon that this donation was nothing short of a “game changer,” a phrase one might expect from a gentleman who has just won a most favorable hand at cards. 🃏

Like a prophet bewitched by his own words, the market clings to the tale of falling rates. The FedWatch Tool, perched on the CME Group’s throne, now whispers a steady belief that by September 17, rates will bow to the ground between 4.00% and 4.25%. The masses, having waxed poetic about rate cuts for weeks, still chant this mantra – a 96.1% probability today, barely budged from the glory 97.6% peak deserving of its own statue.

And who is to blame for this absurdity? None other than Kiln, that cautious sentinel of staking infrastructure, who, on September 9, withdrew its validators in a fit of security-induced paranoia. 🧱🔥 A single act, yet it sent the queue into a tailspin, like a domino cascade in a house of cards.

“Today’s cut is like yesterday’s bread: it’s already gone stale,” remarked the discerning analyst Catalina Castro, “but the Dot Plot? That’s where the juicy gossip lies.”