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Ah, Wednesday’s rate cut! A spectacle as predictable as a rooster’s crow at dawn. The CME Group’s Fedwatch Tool, that oracle of financial whimsy, had already whispered a 96% chance of this 25-basis-point cut, with a mere 4% chance of a bolder 50-basis-point slash. Yet, the markets, ever the dramatic souls, gasped and fluttered as if witnessing a miracle. Bitcoin ( BTC), that fickle darling, leaped to $116K, only to stumble back to $115K faster than a drunkard on a tightrope. 🕺💸

According to the oracle of crypto chaos himself, Miran’s induction might just cause the Fed to try out some dazzling new monetary stunts, potentially shooting Bitcoin’s price up to the kind of seven-figure sum that would make Jeeves choke on his Earl Grey.

Because AI bots are about to take over your life, and they need a way to buy stuff without stealing your credit card. 🤖🛒

A meeting of minds, no less! The XRP nation, those elusive Ripple folk, and the ever-astute A16Z have done wonders. Alas, the work is far from over, but one can dream of bipartisan harmony in this age of chaos. 🌟💼

It appears that those ever-reliable stablecoins have taken upon themselves the rather thankless task of bearing the bulk of this capital manoeuvring. The esteemed Cryptoquant reveals a substantial influx-no less than $7.6 billion of fresh USDT and USDC (ERC-20) tokens-striding grandly towards various trading establishments in anticipation of the forthcoming decision. Of this considerable sum, about $2.1 billion found temporary refuge with Binance, another $1.6 billion turned its attentions to Coinbase, whilst the remaining $3.9 billion scattered themselves rather indiscriminately among their lesser-known cousins.

After a successful retest (because what’s a breakout without a proper retest, am I right?), Merlijn’s all giddy about a potential move toward $0.30-or maybe even higher. Oh, and market participation is up, which means the big-money folks are getting in on this action too. Go ahead, break out the champagne! 🍾🥂

For decades, Korean retail investors have been the secret Tesla cheerleaders, throwing piles of money at the EV giant like it was the final season of their favorite soap opera. But in August 2025, these financial romantics suddenly decided to break up with Tesla, withdrawing a staggering $657 million-Tesla’s biggest “it’s not you, it’s me” moment in over two years.

The cryptic scribblings of “onchain data”-a phrase that sounds suspiciously like something a drunken mathematician might invoke-have turned unexpectedly sunny. Chief among the auguries is the ominously named “Fund Market Premium” (FMP). This spectral indicator has taken a jaunty leap back into the realm of positivity, much like a Bolshevik rising spiritedly from the ashes of yesterday’s despair. Transactions sprawl like gnarly branches in the digital ether, climbing with all the enthusiasm of a cat on a hot tin roof.

Apparently, the FCA’s new plan is all about adapting their dusty old financial rulebook to the shiny, mysterious world of cryptoassets. David Geale, the FCA’s executive director for payments and digital finance, pointed out the obvious: just slapping traditional finance rules onto crypto is like trying to fit a square peg into a round blockchain. Geale said, “You have to recognize that some of these things are very different,” which is code for, “We’re still figuring this stuff out, folks.”

The Federal Reserve, that enigmatic institution, is gearing up to cut rates by a humble 25 basis points, sending whispers of “easing” across the market like a soft breeze at a billionaire’s yacht party. But wait, the plot thickens-markets are pricing in six more cuts through 2026. Traders, with bated breath, are glued to their screens, awaiting the SEP and Powell’s ever-so-eager-to-speak press conference. Risk assets are doing a little jig in the hopes of easing, but a hawkish dot plot? Oops, that could pop the party. Oh, and don’t forget crypto! It’s still underperforming stocks, as usual, despite all the liquidity showers. Aww, poor Bitcoin. 🍸