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In the grand old tradition of doing things backward, Teucrium Investment Advisors is rolling out XXRP—no, that’s not someone stuttering, that’s the new 2x leveraged XRP ETF—on NYSE Arca this April 8. The ticker itself sounds like a secret code, but it aims to serve up twice the daily return of XRP through fancy swap agreements (think of it like borrowing your neighbor’s lawnmower to cut your own grass—except with more decimal points and attorneys). The fee is 1.89%, which some might call steep, but hey, if it’s thrills you want, it’s thrills you’ll get. 🚀

Ah, the plot thickens! This controversy, a veritable soap opera of the cyber age, dates back to the balmy days of April 2019, when DHS Special Agent Rana Saoud, in a moment of uncharacteristic candor at a Miami conference, dropped a bombshell. She claimed that DHS agents had, in a twist worthy of a Hollywood script, conversed with not one, but four individuals who allegedly played a role in the creation of Bitcoin. Imagine the agents, armed with nothing but their wits and a GPS, journeying to California, only to discover that the birth of Bitcoin was not a solitary event but a raucous gathering of four. The discussions, as recounted by the intrepid Saoud, meandered through the purpose of Bitcoin and its future trajectory—like a drunken sailor navigating a foggy harbor.

As if the universe conspired against it, Dogecoin experienced a 22.6% price slide in just 24 hours, while Bitcoin [BTC] also shed 10.68% of its value, all thanks to the panic that spread like wildfire across global markets amidst trade war developments. Investors, brace yourselves; patience is a virtue, especially when the market feels like a rollercoaster without a seatbelt! 🎢

To bolster his assertions, Mr. Zhou retweeted the astute observations of Mr. Arthur, co-founder of BitMEX, who, with great flair, expounded upon the curious dynamic of this tariff struggle. He remarked upon the inevitable attempts of China to devalue its currency, the RMB, to counteract these tariffs. The history books, as Mr. Zhou eloquently noted, suggest that whenever the RMB falters, an intriguing influx of Chinese capital promptly embraces Bitcoin with open arms. Thus, it would appear Mr. Zhou is indeed bullish; a fortuitous turn of events for our dear Bitcoin.

But, as with all things in life, the storm eventually passes. Today, the market cap has crawled back up to a staggering $2.53 trillion, a 3.08% increase in the last 24 hours. A slight recovery, but let’s not get too excited just yet. Who knows how long this will last? After all, it’s not like we haven’t seen this movie before. 🎬

OMG! Major drama alert! 🚨 Some mega whale (probably having mid-life crisis) just dumped 260k TRUMP tokens on Binance like hot potato. Made cool $2.048M USDC though – not too shabby for mental breakdown. Then, as if copying friend’s homework, another whale got FOMO and sold 309,514 tokens. Lost $14.06M! V.v. embarrassing. Will definitely need therapy after this.

The Federal Court of Australia, with a most decorative flourish, permitted the winding up of these shadowy enterprises. It seems these institutions sprang forth from questionable seeds—false information formed their roots, and now, well, their time in the sun appears quite over. The honorable deputy chair, Sarah Court, couldn’t have sounded more pleased as she announced that these “genuine services” were, in fact, more questionable than your cousin’s “Surefire Crypto Tip.” 🤭

Thorn attributed this change to recent comments from the Trump administration: “See Bessent’s comment to Tucker Carlson, drumbeat from Sacks and Hines,” as well as the looming deadline for the BTC audit: “Keep in mind Monday is the deadline from the SBR EO for government agencies to complete the audit of their Bitcoin / digital assets holdings. Not clear they will release anything publicly on this, but likely progress is being made.”

Is this a sign that the crypto sector is about to navigate some choppy waters? Or are we merely witnessing a dramatic performance in the theater of finance?

Now, Kiyosaki, he’s been sellin’ that book of his for ages, translated into every tongue you can think of. Seems like everyone’s got an opinion on money these days, especially him. He’s got more opinions than a dog has fleas. 🐕‍🦺