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Indeed, the modular oracle protocol, known to the world as RedStone (RED), now lends its considerable prowess to HyperLend, the very first lending platform to be constructed upon the Hyperliquid (HYPE) Ethereum Virtual Machine. This splendid integration permits HyperLend to operate its lending platform with a degree of security and accuracy that would make even the most fastidious of traders blush with satisfaction.

In a move that threatens to shock the faint of heart, our friends at Teucrium Investment Advisors have resolved to join the ETF fray with their 2x Long Daily XRP contrivance—known by the elegant nomenclature of XXRP. With the blessings of the New York Stock Exchange at their side, they intend to invite worthy (and perhaps overly bold) investors to double their daily enchantment with Ripple’s beloved token. Whether such an investment is wise or the height of folly shall be left to each person’s own reflection. 👀

On April 7, they decided to drop the guest list and agenda like it’s hot, and let’s just say, the crypto world is holding its breath. Will this be the moment we finally get some regulations, or just a bunch of suits arguing over who gets to wear the fanciest tie? 🤔

Unlike the usual closed-door meetings where decisions are made in the shadows, this roundtable is part of the SEC’s grand plan to gather real-world input before finalizing any rules. The public can tune in via livestream, and in-person attendees at SEC headquarters in Washington, D.C., can submit feedback through note cards or email during the event. Because nothing says “transparency” like scribbling your thoughts on a piece of paper and handing it to a stranger.

Bitcoin, that haughty luminary, lingered near the mundane $75,000 during the debacle, only to reemerge in splendid form above $79,000—imbuing the scene with a dash of iridescent confidence and a wink of exquisite charm.

Ah, Bitcoin! That noble prince of currencies, stands steadfast like Tartuffe’s conviction! While lesser coins tremble and quake, our beloved BTC maintains its dignity near 80,000 ducats. The peasants, in their wisdom (or perhaps folly 😏), have increased their trading by 73%. Such devotion!

In a press release that probably had everyone at Binance doing a little happy dance, they announced that KernelDAO is officially joining the party. Mark your calendars, folks, because starting April 9 at 00:00 UTC, you can join in on the fun. Just remember, no one likes a party crasher, so don’t believe any rumors about early sales. They’re as false as my last New Year’s resolution! 🙄

This leveraged concoction, courtesy of Teucrium, promises to deliver a daily performance that could make even the most stoic investor raise an eyebrow—twice the gains of the Ripple-associated token. Yes, dear reader, if XRP experiences a 10% surge in a mere 24 hours, the ETF will, in theory, boast a remarkable 20% increase (before those pesky fees, of course). Uh, surprise!

In the very hour of writing, one cannot help but be aghast at Fartcoin’s ascendance to a lofty price of $0.60. How delightful! According to the oracle, CoinGecko, this laughter-inducing currency dares to swagger while the rest of the crypto realm flounders in a sea of crimson. One wonders: is this the result of divine intervention, or simply the market’s cruel sense of humor? 😂