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Recently, Pi News, a channel on X boasting a million followers, has engaged in a handshake with Pi CrowdFund, a Web3 platform that claims to be built on the Pi Network public chain. One can only imagine the enthusiasm in the room as they proclaimed their noble mission: “to provide timely and accurate updates on Web3 projects within the Pi ecosystem.” Because, of course, what the world needs now is more timely updates! 🎉

Legend has it that this rumored QE could echo those dashing episodes of 2008 and 2020, when money was printed with the same gusto one might reserve for storing cheese in a fridge about to explode. Naturally, crypto enthusiasts foresee meteoric rises (or possibly a conga line of dancing digits) if our dear Fed chooses to sprinkle its magic liquidity dust again.

Yesterday, the 50-day Simple Moving Average of Bitcoin decided to get cheeky and fell below its 200-day counterpart, creating what we now must call the ‘Death Cross’—as if Bitcoin’s social life couldn’t get any drearier. This catastrophic cross is about as bearish as a grizzly in a suit. 🐻

But, as sure as the Mississippi runs deep and wide, those bright folks at the crypto exchange hailing from the bustling shores of Seychelles—Bitget—have decided to weave a grand bridge between DEX and CEX. They named this shiny innovation “Bitget Onchain,” which sounds fancier than a silver-plated pocket watch and promises to get DEX folks and CEX folks to hold hands and sing together. 🎶

In a recent YouTube video on the Raoul Pal The Journey Man channel, macro economist Pal and his colleague Julien Bittel painted a somewhat optimistic picture. They suggested that financial conditions might ease as we move into 2025, with lagging indicators hinting at a potential recovery for U.S. equities and crypto in the coming weeks. Of course, their crystal ball could be as accurate as a weather forecast in April—take it with a grain of salt. 🌧️

This economic chart is as old as your great-grandpappy’s favorite pair of suspenders—over 150 years, mind ye! Several dreamers contend it has spotted financial calamities like a hawk eyeing a hapless rabbit since the mid-1920s. Yet, as the wheel of fortune spins madly onward, recent calamities give that claim a bit of a ticklish challenge.

With the grace of a cat on a hot tin roof, the SFC’s guidance aims to expand the product offerings for these platforms, all while ensuring that investors are not left clutching their pearls in horror. The guidance outlines a veritable treasure map of necessary measures for VATPs to prevent errors—because who doesn’t love a good error in the world of finance?—safeguard staked assets, and disclose the associated risks, which are as numerous as the stars in the sky. 🌌

This leveraged wizardry promises to amplify XRP’s antics, hinting at bolder suits tiptoeing into the cryptic carnival we fondly call the fourth-largest cryptocurrency. But hold your applause—an XRP whale has just tossed a colossally mischievous 200 million XRP, well over $355 million, onto Binance’s doorstep, triggering sweaty nightmares of a monstrous selloff. Drama, drama, drama.

Yet, our dear Poppe, with the optimism of a child chasing fireflies, believes that this digital currency is not merely floundering but rather flexing its muscles, preparing for a comeback that would make even the most seasoned boxer proud. He posits that even if the price remains stagnant in the short term, the horizon holds promise, and Bitcoin may very well rise like a phoenix from the ashes over the next year. Or, you know, it could just as easily crash and burn. Who knows? 🤷‍♂️

But wait! Like Raskolnikov finding his path to redemption, there are whispers in the dark corners of the crypto marketplace. The institutional giants, those modern-day aristocrats at Grayscale, they see something… something that makes them reach for their golden purses! 🎪