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The shareholders, gathered in a desert oasis where the only thing hotter than the sun was their vote, approved four proposals. The most contentious-increasing the share count-garnered 81% support, a number that, in shareholder terms, means “we trust you, even though the stock just fell 8%.” The company’s press release, delivered with the gravitas of a Pushkin sonnet, assured investors they’ll never sell shares below their net asset value. A promise as comforting as a warm samovar in January.

The announcement came at the World Economic Forum in Davos, where Bermuda’s officials strutted around like they’d just discovered fire. “Digital assets as everyday financial infrastructure!” they declared, as if the islanders were crying out for USDC instead of more sunscreen. Circle and Coinbase, ever the eager beavers, promised to sprinkle their crypto magic across the island, from local banks to Bob’s Fish Shack.

Bitcoin [BTC], that eternal chameleon, fell below the $94.5k level on the 19th of January, causing a market-wide panic so intense it could rival a Russian winter. The selloffs were so fierce, even the ghosts of crypto pioneers wept into their digital coffins.

Axie Infinity is out here leading the pack with double-digit gains, because apparently, it didn’t get the memo about chilling. This rally is part of last week’s 113% flex, which is basically the crypto equivalent of showing up to a potluck with a three-tier cake.

Hedera’s HBAR token crashed harder than my hopes and dreams, dropping to $0.1037 and erasing all gains from earlier this year. It’s down 65% from its July 2023 peak-talk about a summer fling gone wrong.

Tether has partnered with Bitqik, a licensed digital asset exchange in Laos, to roll out a nationwide financial literacy initiative focused on bitcoin and stablecoins. The collaboration is aimed at expanding understanding of digital assets and encouraging responsible adoption across the country.

Let us not deceive ourselves: Bitcoin Cash has scarcely set the world alight with its growth. Yet, it is the beneficiary of Monero’s (XMR) precipitous decline, as the once-vaunted privacy coin finds itself out of fashion, like a frock coat at a modernist soiree. Monero, poor soul, has suffered a 10.9% contraction in its market cap, leaving it wallowing at $10.37 billion. The allure of anonymity, it seems, has lost its luster, and the coin has paid the price-a 11.2% plunge in the last 24 hours, trading at a mere $557.43 as of this scribble.

The numbers, adorned in gilded figures, spoke of a renaissance in digital finance. New addresses sprouted like weeds after a storm.

According to BTCUSA’s recent liquidation map data, the cryptocurrency market has descended into a state of pathological shorting, where even the most stoic investors now resemble overcaffeinated gamblers at a blackjack table.

The Portuguese gambling regulator, the Serviço de Regulação e Inspeção de Jogos (SRIJ), has issued an emergency shutdown order for Polymarket, which had the audacity to let people bet on politics during an election. Talk about a party pooper!