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With $31 million already in the bank (probably stored in a vault guarded by cryptographic dragons), Parataxis is gearing up to debut on the New York Stock Exchange under the ticker PRTX. This isn’t just another boring SPAC deal-oh no, this is a $400 million cosmic dance with SilverBox Corp IV, complete with a potential $640 million war chest if all goes according to plan. And yes, they’re buying Bitcoin before the ink dries. Because why wait for the apocalypse when you can prepare for it now? 🌋

TRON [TRX] logged a whopping 8.29 million USDT transactions last week, sending a clear message: it’s not just retail investors anymore, institutional folks are jumping in too. And they’re not playing small ball.

But why, you might ask, with a furrowed brow and a skeptical heart, does this sum seem so colossal? Hayes, with the patience of a saint and the wisdom of a sage, explains that without this infusion, the economic edifice will crumble under its own weight, leading to a collapse that would make the fall of the Roman Empire seem like a minor setback. And in this collapse, dear reader, lies the seed of Bitcoin’s ascent to the lofty heights of $250,000.

Our dear bitcoin, the beloved rogue in this financial opera, began hinting at a glimmer of recovery from its previous descent into despair. The daily chart revealed subtle signs akin to a phoenix stirring from its ashes; higher lows emerged, constructing a seemingly impenetrable bastion. Behold, the rising volume on those green candlesticks-ah, sweet victory!-suggested that the beleaguered buyers had, at last, reclaimed their rightful throne, especially within the sanctifying embrace of that elusive $112,000 support zone. Yet caution must reign supreme; until that resolute close above $117,000, all remains a tantalizing spectacle draped within a cloak of cautious optimism. 🧐

Blazing in the mind’s eye, the thing appears to emerge from shadows like a hero-laid out on the chart, a classic bull flag pattern, as if painted by a mad artist who fancied a bullish future. Sometimes, these patterns are just the universe’s cruel joke, but-if they hold-XLM might just stretch itself to the $0.67 mark, a goal absurd enough to make one smile or cry, depending on mood.

Ah, the digital dilettantes at Bitcoin.com have deigned to bestow upon us their wisdom, meticulously curating the crème de la crème of crypto casinos for BlackJack aficionados. Their coterie of experts, no doubt sipping martinis while crunching numbers, considers factors like game variety, payout alacrity, security, and bonus largesse to guide you through the labyrinth of crypto gaming. 🕵️♂️💼

This little tidbit comes hot on the heels of the U.S. slapping a whopping 50% tariff on Indian goods. Now, you might think this would hurt the folks selling these goods, but according to our dear Mr. Schiff, it’s the American consumers who are left holding the bag. Or, in this case, the heavier wallets. 🤑

And of course, this is all part of the genius plan for the US to dominate AI or whatever. Devin Nunes-remember him?-says it’ll improve Truth Social and help you get “better info” while you’re probably just scrolling past more lies. Feedback will “help” them, because why not throw a few bugs in for good measure, right?

Aave has officially reached a monumental milestone. It’s the first decentralized finance protocol to surpass $60 billion in net deposits! (Cue the confetti 🎉)

Bitcoin’s price action this week has been about as exciting as watching paint dry, but Ardoino’s words have lit up the trading community faster than free Wi-Fi in a coffee shop. Analysts are now debating whether this is a rallying cry for believers or just another case of overzealous optimism.