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Meanwhile, the broader crypto market decided to join the festivities, expanding by a whopping $220 billion and gaining a sprightly 8.58% in just 24 hours, bringing its total valuation to a jaw-dropping $2.65 trillion. Trading activity was so lively that daily volume hit $176.01 billion—up a staggering 59.80% from the previous day. Bitcoin, in its exuberance, advanced by 7.93% during this wild ride. Not to be outdone, several major tokens decided to join the party: ethereum ( ETH) leaped more than 13%, XRP jumped over 14%, and SOL increased by 12%. Even Dogecoin (DOGE) decided to get in on the action, rising 13.5% in the wake of Trump’s tariff decision. By 5:50 p.m., BTC was happily treading around the $82,860 range, as if it were on a leisurely stroll through the park.

Word on the street is that a wallet, possibly linked to World Liberty Financial (because who doesn’t love a good conspiracy?), sold 5,471 ETH for a whopping $8.01 million at $1,465. Thanks, Arkham Intelligence, for the juicy gossip! 🕵️‍♀️

Picture this: There sat Jan Hatzius and his merry band of economists at Goldman, probably wearing their finest doom-and-gloom suits, solemnly announcing a 65% chance of economic apocalypse. But faster than you can say “covfefe,” Trump jumped onto Truth Social (yes, that’s still a thing 🙄) and essentially said “Just kidding about those tariffs! Well, except for China – they’re still in the naughty corner.”

This deliciously leveraged ETF aims to dazzle (or dismay) by delivering twice the opposite of the daily performance of the Bloomberg Ethereum Index. If our rakish friend Ethereum tumbles 10% in a day, ETHD is supposed to prance up 20%. Of course, it’s all measured daily, so do try not to faint if the splendid -2x promise isn’t quite maintained over time. One must manage one’s expectations, you see. 😏

In a most peculiar turn of events, that would surely set the tongues of Meryton wagging, Bitcoin (BTC) – that most modern of financial instruments – performed a most elegant recovery upon Mr. Trump’s pronouncement regarding the cessation of tariffs. How remarkably convenient, one might say with raised eyebrow and barely concealed derision. 🧐

This kaleidoscopic ascent has ensnared the curious gazes of traders—like moths to a flame! But lo and behold, the winds of change whisper warnings as signs emerge that these merry days of buying may soon be behind us. What a plot twist!

To his legion of 317,700 faithful followers on that curious platform X, he proclaims that the Ethereum adversary seems prepared for a noteworthy resurgence, like a phoenix plotting a comeback after having plummeted a staggering 64% from its zenith of $293 reached in the tender month of January.