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Crypto exchange-traded products (ETPs), those fashionable instruments of modern speculation, logged £1.9 billion in fresh inflows last week, as reported by CoinShares with all the solemnity of a butler announcing dinner. Bitcoin (BTC) and Ether (ETH), ever the distinguished guests at this financial ball, led the procession with inflows of £977 million and £772 million respectively, while Solana (SOL) and XRP (XRP) made a respectable showing with £127 million and £69 million-enough to secure them an invitation to the next soirée.

Oh, what a spectacle we have here! Grayscale, in all its glory, has decided to strut its stuff once more, filing an updated S-1 registration statement with the U.S. SEC for its Dogecoin exchange-traded fund (ETF). How splendid! The company is boldly shifting its closed-ended Dogecoin Trust into a dazzling spot ETF and aiming to parade it on the NYSE Arca under the oh-so-captivating ticker symbol GDOG. 🐶📈

The venerable financier subsequently made a jaunt onto X employing an air of wit, remarking, “Need to pay my deposit on the new Rari 849 Testarossa,” because who, indeed, navigates the tempest of tokens without homage to luxury autos? This escapade was but a month post his buoyant prediction that HYPE might, against all hindsight, swell 126-fold in the span of a trifling three years.

Spot Taker CVD seemed to favor buying, but a nosedive of 22% to $1.16 with a few chart gaps flapping around hinted at a reality check back towards the $1.00-$1.10 sweet spot.

In a late-US-hours video posted to X, Porter told followers that the announcement, to be unveiled during a coordinated X Space “with one of the largest shows in the space,” is intended to “potentially reorder the political conversation for Bitcoin across the country.” One can only assume that “the space” refers to the vast, uncharted expanse of social media, where all truths are equally valid and no one really knows what they’re talking about. 🚀

It’s a cocktail of regulatory spaghetti, leverage lunacy, and altcoins throwing tantrums. Just your average Tuesday, folks.

The whispers of on-chain metrics and the murmurs of macroeconomic signals warn that BTC’s grand rally may be sputtering, like a dying fire. What are these omens? The tale is told below. 😒

Ah, a tragic comedy! Metaplanet plunged like a suicidal kamikaze (36%), KindlyMD collapsed faster than a soufflé in a hurricane (87%), and Semler Scientific whimpered away (-12%). 🎭

Imagine, if you will, two titans of the pixelated universe – Tilted and Majyo Treasure – huddled over their alchemical apparatus, brewing a potion that blends artificial intelligence with the blockchain, that grand ledger of human folly. Together they promise a grand spectacle, a carnival of fantasy and techno-wizardry, where fun frolics with innovation like drunks at a tavern. Players and creators alike might find themselves pulled into an experience so rich, so cunningly woven, that even the most jaded souls would crack a smile… or at least smirk. 😂

Meanwhile, the wise MindX advises patience, as Worldcoin doth trade in a narrow $1.48-$1.52 range, with a steady $223.5 million volume. Holding above $1.45-$1.50, sayeth MindX, could herald a rally to $2.40, or higher if the volume gods smile upon us. Together, these insights reveal a consolidation phase, where sustained closes above key levels might signal a bullish breakout-or just another Tuesday in crypto. 🌪️