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It’s like watching a blockbuster sequel: “Crypto Crimes: The Sequel,” where the bad guys get lazier and more inventive. As the crypto investor club balloons past 10 million (yes, ten million, because apparently, everyone and their dog is now a financial genius), the scams and schemes have also learned a new trick or two. Money laundering, foreign exchange manipulation-you name it, South Korea’s got it. And it’s all happening faster than you can say “blockchain.” Note: Older folks are leading this charge-because nothing says “I got my eye on the prize” like a surprise investment in the dark web.

Stocks linked to the crypto sector were in freefall early on Monday across both US and Canadian markets, thanks to Bitcoin (BTC) sinking below $113,000-its first drop in nearly two weeks. All that hype around the Federal Reserve’s rate cut? Yeah, it’s officially gone. 💸

NVT Ratio at 759, Stock-to-Flow at 426, and Funding Rates giggling northward-these aren’t just numbers. They’re the market’s way of shouting, “Hold my beer and watch this!”

They launched their precious Bitcoin ETF, the Sygnia Life Bitcoin Plus, in June-like dropping a stone into a tranquil pond. Yet, despite the ripples of inflows that threaten to drown us all, the wise counsel echoes: “Keep your gambling to a modest five percent, lest your retirement dreams turn into nightmares.”

XRP’s realm, a labyrinth of cryptographic sorcery, now whispers of mXRP-a tokenized yield product, whose promised annual returns of 6-8% shimmer like the final note of a sonata played on a harpsichord of hope. Midas, that arch-magician of institutional-grade financial enchantments, declared the launch at the XRP Seoul 2025 conference, where 3,000 “chosen few” (or perhaps just the elect) marveled at the spectacle. 🎭

Daily Active Addresses, once a bustling bazaar, have shriveled by 27%, like a forgotten cucumber in the sun. 🥒 Yet, Funding Rates remain as stubbornly positive as a Gogol protagonist’s delusions, leaving SOL in a quandary: to rise or to fall? Ah, the drama!

Even with the deliciously elusive bitcoin (BTC) block reward feeling more like a fading mirage over the desert of frustration, our troupe of miners just keeps flexing those metaphorical biceps and pushing the network to dazzling new heights. Who needs a gym when you’ve got a rig that can bench press statistics?

After months of testing (and we can all agree that testing is just code for “we’re doing this because we totally have to”), Keeta processed more than 28.7 million transactions and pumped out 42.6 million blocks during its test phase. Is that impressive? Sure. Is it going to change the world? Well, stay tuned, darling. 📊

Apparently, these cyber-pirates broke into the multi-signature wallet – which, despite its fancy name, apparently wasn’t multi-sufficiently secure – and have been merrily scattering their loot across multiple CEX and DEX black hole-like exchanges. Because who doesn’t love spreading chaos in the decentralized garden?

Recently, a sage known simply as the Man of Bitcoin proclaimed from his digital pulpit that our dear Binance Coin (BNB) has flirted with its next lofty target in the mystic wave-3 prophecy, whispering rumors of a local summit-possibly where all the champagne bottles run dry.