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Yet here we are, gawking at the possibility of a shocking fourth term for the Liberal Party. Our star? Former Bank of Canada and Bank of England super-banker Mark Carney, crowned with a Myriad Markets contract placing him at a 74% chance of waltzing into office like it’s his personal after-party. 🕺
After a brutal 21.2% drop (because why not?), DOGE staged a comeback that would make even Elon Musk proud. The CoinDesk 20 Index rose 9% in 24 hours, but DOGE was like, “Hold my leash.” It found solid support at $0.142-$0.145, proving it’s not just a joke coin—it’s a joke coin with *substance*. 🚀💸
Now, let’s break this down. SHIB’s been on a steady decline since last year, like a bad sitcom that should’ve ended after season one. Traders are out there sweating bullets, hoping it can hold on to this support level instead of crashing down to $0.000009. Honestly, it’s a real nail-biter, folks. I mean, you wouldn’t want to be the guy holding a bunch of SHIB when it plunges like it’s auditioning for a role in the next “Titanic.” 🚢
The analysts at BeInCrypto, with a resigned smile at the absurdity of it all, have chronicled three tokens that mirror the epic cycle of hope and downfall in this surreal market.
Atkins, who once had a front-row seat to the regulatory circus as an SEC commissioner from 2002 to 2008, is now being ushered into a spotlight that some might call ironic given his previous run-in with the madness of market manipulation. In an announcement that felt more like casting for a financially thrilling reality show than a bureaucratic decision, President Trump praised Atkins with the kind of hyperbolic enthusiasm usually reserved for late-night infomercials. One imagines Trump extolling Atkins’s virtues as if he were the long-lost hero of capital markets—complete with lavish promises and minimal details. 😏
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In a move that screams “we’re too clever for you,” Apple dialed up its production at Foxconn’s Chennai facility by 20%. They practically invent extra hours, roping in more workers and even making Sundays a workday—because rest is so overrated. All in the name of diversifying manufacturing beyond China, naturally.
Yet, despite holding the impressive title of the largest cryptocurrency by market cap, Bitcoin finds itself entangled in the quagmire of inefficiency. Almost 99% of its glittering treasure remains locked away in digital vaults, yearning for the day it can frolic in the lively world of real-world applications. Alas, this task resembles attempting to teach a cat to fetch. 🐱
Our hero—famous for helping birth the Ethereum Name Service (ENS)—pleaded guilty to sanctions violations in 2021. Seems that chatting about dodging sanctions to the folks in Pyongyang wasn’t exactly on America’s to-do list. Who knew? Griff then cooled his heels until the judge decided 56 months should be enough so he could get back out to do something even more outrageous—like maybe teaching cats to mine crypto!
In the past 24 hours, this cheeky little token has inflated by a whopping 39%, proving that even in a deflating market, FARTCOIN knows how to let one rip. 💨📈