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With these freshly minted bytes of “digital gold,” Sequans’ hoard now stands at a majestic 3,171 BTC-enough, if stacked end-to-end, to reach the moon and back (assuming the moon has excellent Wi-Fi). All told, the firm has poured roughly $370 million into this cyber-treasury, for an average cost of about $116,709 per bitcoin. The spreadsheet practically glows with smug certainty: their average buy-in is so close to current market levels that it could borrow sugar and still pay it back before the next halving. 😏

What’s fueling this madness, you wonder? Oh, just a trifecta of tomfoolery:

Gone are the days when only crypto whales had to worry about being dragged into a van. Now, even your cousin who bought $6,000 worth of Dogecoin on a whim is fair game. And yes, people are dying over sums that wouldn’t even cover a decent used car. Vranova claims these crimes are happening weekly, which makes me wonder if we should start calling it “Crypto Crime Day” instead of Taco Tuesday. 🌮⚰️

The avowed raison d’être for this latest adrenaline jab? Apparently, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin were rumoured to be sharing a cordial Diet Coke next week, giving world peace-and, naturally, digital tulips-the merest prospect of a handshake. Nothing cements a bull run like geopolitical gossip. Meanwhile, the US CPI numbers toddle in tomorrow to remind everyone that even in utopia, rent is still due.

In a world where the value of a coin can be as fickle as the weather, S&P has taken it upon themselves to assess the stability of these digital wonders. This endeavor, which began in 2023, aims to evaluate the ability of stablecoin issuers to maintain a steady value relative to the good old-fashioned fiat currencies. The review delves deep into the creditworthiness of Sky’s liabilities, the USDS and DAI stablecoins, and the sUSDS and sDAI savings tokens. 🤔💰

Tron [TRX], in recent weeks, has embarked on a steady climb, a testament to both its technical prowess and the growing faith of investors. As Tolstoy might muse, “All happy cryptos are alike; each unhappy crypto is unhappy in its own way.” But let us delve deeper into the story of TRX.

But wait, there’s more! This extravagant acquisition is merely a piece of a grander puzzle, a $500 million private funding round led by the illustrious 10X Capital and YZi Labs. It appears BNC has decided to put all its eggs in one basket-BNB, to be precise. The token has become the primary reserve asset of the company, as if it were the last slice of cake at a particularly raucous birthday party. 🎂

According to a new quarterly report from Bybit and Block Scholes, published on August 8, Bitcoin’s (BTC) share of the total non-stablecoin crypto market cap is on a steady upward trend. This is a bit like watching a cat climb a tree-fascinating, but you can’t help but wonder when it will come back down. Historically, BTC’s dominance peaks before a wave of capital rotation into altcoins, but this time, it’s like the wave forgot its surfboard.

Behold the little guys-Silo Finance (SILO), Gearbox (GEAR), and Natix Network (NATIX). These are the underdogs of crypto, operating in the “I hope my mom still believes in me” section of the market. Liquidity? Thin as a cracker at a diet convention. But hey, buybacks here might actually make waves. Waves of… something! 🌊

Now, if you’re wondering how they’re doing in the user engagement department, let’s just say the metrics are looking as promising as a cat meme on the internet. 🐱