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The guy behind this circus, Luca Schnetzler-aka Luca Netz-made his fortune on Instagram, then decided, “Hey, why not break into toys?” Because nothing says stability like digital penguins that can crash faster than my diet on cheat day. In April 2022, the project was looking more dead than my hopes for a peaceful weekend. So, he drops two and a half million in Ether to buy the whole thing-like buying a yacht because you got lost on a river.

In his “please-don’t-sue-me” thread, CZ explained how a one-second frame of some tutorial video flashed “TST,” Internet rabid-sharks smelled blood, and the market cap ballooned to $495k faster than I can inhale a cheesecake. Then the video was yeeted off the web, and-allegedly-the “creator” key was ceremoniously Ctrl-Alt-Deleted. Right. Because no one *ever* secretly screenshots private keys. 😇

This report comes straight from Theminermag, the holy scripture of the crypto mining church, shining light on the latest gossip and research in the land of institutional Bitcoin mining – or, as some call it, the modern gold rush that never quite got off the ground without a few explosions.

Analysts, those modern-day soothsayers armed with charts instead of crystal balls, are peering into their screens like fortune-tellers at a carnival. They’re waiting for LINK to either break through the macro resistance at $26.50 or face the humiliation of being rejected yet again, only to slink back down toward $20.25. A successful breach could herald a bullish extravaganza; failure might just send it crawling back to lick its wounds. What drama! 🎭

Now, this isn’t just a happy little puppy scurrying around. No, sir! This project kicked off its pre-launch festivities on April 1-no joke!-and has been steadily sniffing around the $850,000 milestone by July 25. But wait, there’s more! Husky Inu is eyeing an even bigger ball of cash-$872,976 so far, to be exact-ready to howl at the moon when it hits that $900,000 mark. 🎯

With a market cap of $409.6 million and daily trading volume flirting with $342 million, ZORA is swimming in liquidity deeper than the ocean. But is a pullback lurking around the corner, ready to pounce like a hungry catfish? Let’s dive into the numbers and see if we can separate the gold from the fool’s gold. 😉

With these freshly minted bytes of “digital gold,” Sequans’ hoard now stands at a majestic 3,171 BTC-enough, if stacked end-to-end, to reach the moon and back (assuming the moon has excellent Wi-Fi). All told, the firm has poured roughly $370 million into this cyber-treasury, for an average cost of about $116,709 per bitcoin. The spreadsheet practically glows with smug certainty: their average buy-in is so close to current market levels that it could borrow sugar and still pay it back before the next halving. 😏

What’s fueling this madness, you wonder? Oh, just a trifecta of tomfoolery:

Gone are the days when only crypto whales had to worry about being dragged into a van. Now, even your cousin who bought $6,000 worth of Dogecoin on a whim is fair game. And yes, people are dying over sums that wouldn’t even cover a decent used car. Vranova claims these crimes are happening weekly, which makes me wonder if we should start calling it “Crypto Crime Day” instead of Taco Tuesday. 🌮⚰️

The avowed raison d’être for this latest adrenaline jab? Apparently, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin were rumoured to be sharing a cordial Diet Coke next week, giving world peace-and, naturally, digital tulips-the merest prospect of a handshake. Nothing cements a bull run like geopolitical gossip. Meanwhile, the US CPI numbers toddle in tomorrow to remind everyone that even in utopia, rent is still due.