jpyxx He jabbered on to a chap called Danny Knowles (sounds rather dull, doesn’t he?) about how things are going to change “suddenly.” Suddenly! As if a giant, digital beanstalk is going to sprout up and whisk Bitcoin to the moon. Honestly, the man talks like he’s swallowed a dictionary. 🤪
In a Quicktake post on the CryptoQuant platform, crypto pundit CryptoOnchain highlighted a growing negative divergence between Bitcoin’s price and the number of active addresses within the cryptocurrency’s network. 🐍
The Aster people, bless their enthusiastic hearts, orchestrated an X space, and lo and behold, our CZ himself graced them with his presence. He insisted, with a perfectly straight face, mind you, that his involvement is purely *advisory*. Nothing more, nothing less. As if a pronouncement like that settles anything! It’s almost… quaint.
The stablecoin sector is still puffing up, now just $4.203 billion shy of cracking the $300 billion mark, defillama.com stats show. At this clip, crossing that milestone isn’t a matter of if-it’s a matter of when. Odds are, it’ll happen in a week or two, if not sooner. 🚀
Ever since then, it’s been meandering within a narrow horizontal channel-like a hamster on a wheel-with support at $0.2565 and resistance at $0.2917. With the market wrapped in gloomy clouds, the PI token may just revisit its old, miserable lows. Can anyone hear the echo of the past? 🐹📉
Luke Dashjr, Bitcoin Knots’ most prolific code-wizard, has unleashed chaos with leaked scrolls (yes, scrolls!) revealing his plan to fork the blockchain. Why? To purge “naughty data” like Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM), which he insists is lurking in Bitcoin nodes like gremlins in a digital playground. 🧙♂️🧹
XRP, that most elusive of digital tokens, has been anointed as Shariah-compliant by the Shariyah Review Bureau (SRB), a bureaucratic oracle under Bahrain’s Central Bank. This decree, penned with the solemnity of a medieval scribe, now permits XRP to dance in the ballrooms of Islamic finance-a realm where interest (riba) is a social faux pas, gharar (excessive risk) is a mortal sin, and speculation is akin to heresy. Ripple, ever the court jester of fintech, now parades this certification as a golden ticket to $2 trillion in ethical transactions. One might say: “By the beard of Zarathustra, the blockchain has learned to pray!” 🙏
On-chain data, that mystical oracle of blockchain divination, claims this 12% dip is “modest” compared to past cycles. Modest! Of course, it also followed capital inflows so massive they’d make a Venetian banker blush. 🏦
Elkaleh, the chief marketing officer of Bitget Wallet, says the DEX revolution is powered by “airdrop cultures and points systems” that make retail traders feel like they’re winning at a casino. Meanwhile, quants are lured by “low fees, fast fills, and programmable strategies” that make them feel like they’ve cracked the code. Spoiler: They haven’t. 🤯
Nate Geraci, that prophet of paper profits, whispers that Solana’s ETF could be stamped “Approved” within fortnight. Two weeks! As if the SEC were a bureaucratic bartender finally handing out the last drink at a crypto cocktail party. Staking included, no less. How dare they?
