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Word spreads that the phantasmagoric sum of approximately 314 million was lavished on a fortune’s trinkets-16,290 Antminer U3S21EXPH units-all courtesy of the illustrious Chinese colossus, Bitmain. What say you of this? A veritable feast of 14.02 exahashes per second – enough to tickle the curiosity of those following their cryptic hashes.
So, I was minding my own business, scrolling through the internet, when I stumbled upon this gem (pun intended). Gemini, the crypto exchange that’s always trying to make our lives easier, announced on Aug. 14 the release of the Gemini Wallet. It’s like a Swiss Army knife for crypto, but way cooler. Designed to streamline onchain interactions for both everyday users and developers, it comes with the Gemini Onchain Dashboard-a browser-based hub where you can view your holdings, explore decentralized applications, and even earn returns through DeFi vaults. Eric Kuhn, head of onchain at Gemini, had this to say:
SEC Chairman Paul Atkins – a name that practically *begs* to be mispronounced – was quoted as saying this whole shebang is thanks to the GENIUS Act. GENIUS, naturally. As if anyone’s ever accused the financial world of lacking subtlety. He promised to end the ‘regulatory uncertainty’ that’s been bothering the crypto people. Apparently, a bit of thrilling unpredictability is just *so* last season. His aim, he explains, is “clarity, compliance, and confidence”. Which translates to, roughly, “Do what we say, when we say, or face consequences.”
KULR, now waltzing on the stage of the Russell 3000 Index as of June, crafts energy storage fit for the wrath of the cosmos-and now, with poetic recklessness, invests in bitcoin (BTC) as if currency itself might someday weep at their audacity.
Most reports and analyses during this period paint a positively rip-roaring outlook for the altcoin season. Keeping an eye on exchange reserves is one of the key factors investors use to spot opportunities in August, much like Jeeves keeps an eye on my misadventures. 👀
During a cozy little dinner with The Verge journos in San Francisco, Altman revealed his enormous ambitions for OpenAI. He spoke of huge infrastructure investments, new business ventures, and an endless appetite for expansion. Oh, and let’s not forget-he mentioned the possibility of a brain-computer interface company that might rival the good ol’ Neuralink. Sure, because we all need to plug our brains into machines. 🧠💥
On August 15, a voice cried out in the wilderness of X, proclaiming XRP’s bullish flag-a pattern of hope, or a mirage in the desert of despair? The analyst, with the zeal of a prophet, foretold a breakout to $5.00. But mere hours before, the token had been battered, its value slashed to $3.05 in a liquidation cascade that wiped out $1 billion. Retail traders wept, while the whales, ever silent, amassed their treasures. As of press time, XRP clings to $3.00-a survivor, or a victim of its own ambition? 💸
By ShayanMarkets
According to a press release that could make even the oldest dinosaur perk up, this Hong Kong-based company is plunging into the digital assets and web3 universe. It can now proudly claim the title of the first Taiwanese public company to adopt Bitcoin (BTC) as a treasury asset. Perhaps they’ll start selling digital watches next? 🤷♂️
Picture, dear reader, the exchange’s vaults: mountains of tokens once fattened on trader greed. In a single on-chain gesture-more solemn than a priest’s blessing and twice as irreversible-65 million of these chubby coins were marched to the guillotine. The smart contract, newly sworn to celibacy, vowed never again to mint, burn, or otherwise procreate. Thus the supply cap was etched into silicon scripture, mimicking Bitcoin’s own monastic discipline, though one suspects the code still sneaks a peek at DOGE for comic relief. 🤭
