Arizona Forgets Lost Bitcoins, Gets Rich? You Won’t Believe Their New Law! 💸⚖️

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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a state in possession of a number of abandoned digital coins, must be in want of a Reserve Fund. Thus, Arizona, not content to languish in the shadowy gloom of unclaimed property, has enacted House Bill 2749—bestowed with all the grandiosity of a well-cut ball gown and rather less lace. This new statute refashions the art of “lost and found” for the age of Bitcoin, requiring the delivery of unclaimed cryptocurrency not in that vulgar form known as ‘cash’, but in its delicate, native garb.

Arizona Steps Into the Ballroom—Second, But By No Means Shy

Much like the long-anticipated arrival of the Bingley party in Meryton, HB 2749 received enthusiastic, bipartisan flutter. Its chief suitor, Rep. Jeff Weninger—the Mr. Darcy of the House Commerce Committee—declared with no small satisfaction that digital assets “are the present.” One might say, the man possesses as much sense as sensibility. Oh, forgive me, dear reader, wrong novel!

He asserts that this measure prevents Arizona from leaving value unattended at the supper table and cunningly positions the state for engagements most eligible—namely, the benefitting from forsaken digital coins. Property rights? Respected. Ownership? Esteemed. The machinery of government? Now quite adept at bookkeeping for such ethereal fortunes.

The rules: If a digital asset languishes, unresponded to, for three years (surely, an age in internet time), it will be whisked away to the state’s Department of Revenue—much as Lydia Bennet was spirited off to Brighton, though with any luck, less scandal. Be the coin Bitcoin, Ether, or one of their rakish companions, all must be surrendered in native form, not altered or diminished by conversion. Custodians, proving more enterprising than Lady Catherine’s butler, are authorized to collect airdrops, stake assets, and harvest on-chain distributions from these virtual estates.

A new treasury—immodestly christened the Bitcoin and Digital Assets Reserve Fund—shall collect these riches, overseen by the State Treasurer and subjected to the scrutiny of legislative appropriation (translation: not a single farthing absconded from the taxpayers’ fine tea set).

The Satoshi Action Fund, never shy of a flourish, pronounced the law a veritable precedent, praising Arizona for transforming forgotten digital tinsel into a bulwark against inflation. Its chief, Mr. Dennis Porter, declared the state had achieved the rare feat of conjuring “digital gold” (one hopes, at least, Mr. Wickham is not in on the scheme). And all done with not the faintest imposition on the taxpayer’s purse—a miracle to be celebrated by every prudent housekeeper in the county.

Not Exactly Jane’s New Hampshire

Governor Hobbs—whose pen, it seems, can both create and destroy—signed this measure a mere four days after she had dispatched Senate Bill 1025 to the great wastebasket in the sky, clutching her pearls at the notion of investing public monies in “untested assets.” One suspects her heart is less adventurous than her signature.

The narrower scope of HB 2749—it deals only with property the state already guards in trust, not fresh coin unearthed from the couch cushions—has mollified Her Excellency. All eyes now look towards Senate Bill 1373, which would allow the Treasurer, perhaps emboldened by success, to direct up to one-tenth of the State’s Budget Stabilization Fund towards Bitcoin. Ten percent! The very prospect sends the petticoats of fiscal prudence aflutter.

Not to be left behind in so illustrious a dance, Arizona’s step follows smartly upon the heels of New Hampshire, who just days earlier waltzed into the annals of digital currency with their own statutory frolic. New Hampshire has allowed up to 5% of their state’s nest egg to be twirled in the Bitcoin ballroom. Arizona, clearly unwilling to be a mere wallflower, eyes the full ten—fortunes favor the bold (or the incautious).

And amidst all these legislative pirouettes, Bitcoin itself coyly stands at a staggering $99,348. One can only wonder how long until the next state suitor asks for the next dance?

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2025-05-09 01:49