Ah, Bitcoin-this wretched, trembling specter of modernity-now writhes under the cruel lash of geopolitics, bureaucratic indecision, and the whims of unseen “whales” who toy with its fate like bored aristocrats at a card game. Yet, amidst this chaos, the stubborn beast refuses to die, clinging to its long-term delusions of grandeur.
The Fed’s Puppet Show & Bitcoin’s Existential Tremors
Behold, dear reader, the grand theater of human folly! The markets-oh, these pitiful, twitching creatures-now convulse in agony as geopolitical storms clash with the absurd uncertainty of who shall next sit upon the Federal Reserve’s gilded throne. Will it be Warsh? Hassett? Some other bureaucrat with a penchant for tightening the screws? Who knows! And yet, Bitcoin, this digital Prometheus, staggers onward, lashed by volatility, mocked by fate.
James Butterfill, that poor, beleaguered scholar of Coinshares, attempts to soothe the masses with his measured words-words as hollow as a banker’s promise. He proclaims:
“Bitcoin is currently in a correction phase driven by multiple factors simultaneously.”
Ah, yes, a correction! As if calling it such makes the suffering any less real. The Greenland dispute, tariffs, the ceaseless meddling of whales-these are but the latest torments visited upon this cursed asset. And yet, Butterfill insists, with the optimism of a man who has not yet been robbed by reality:
“Historically, geopolitical shocks tend to follow a similar pattern…”
History! That fickle mistress who laughs at those who dare predict her next move.
Meanwhile, the Fed succession drama unfolds like a bad Russian novel-full of intrigue, whispers, and the distinct possibility that whoever takes the throne will make everything worse. Prediction markets, those modern-day oracles, now favor Warsh. Because, of course, what Bitcoin needs is more monetary restraint. As if suffering were not already its constant companion.
FAQ: The Absurdity of It All
- Why is Bitcoin suffering?
Because existence is pain, and markets are its cruel jesters. - Is this the end?
No, merely another chapter in Bitcoin’s Sisyphean struggle. - How does Fed succession matter?
It doesn’t-except when it does, which is always at the worst possible time. - What of the Clarity Act?
Ah, yes, the Senate’s latest masterpiece in procrastination. Clarity? Ha!
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2026-01-24 04:57