Right. So Bitcoin and Ethereum are having a bit of a mid-life crisis-down, depressed, and desperately in need of a spa day. But fear not! Two of the biggest crypto-hoarders, Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy, but rebranding is so 2023) and Bitmine Immersion, have decided to throw money at the problem like it’s confetti at a particularly reckless wedding.
Strategy Buys Bitcoin Like It’s Half-Price at Tesco 🛒
On Monday, Strategy announced-with the enthusiasm of someone who just discovered online shopping-that it had bought 1,129 Bitcoin at an average price of only $88,568 each. Bargain! That’s a mere $108.8 million spent, because, you know, pocket change.
This brings their total Bitcoin collection to a staggering 672,497-because clearly, someone at Strategy missed the memo about diversification. Or they just really like digital gold. Either way, their total investment? A casual $50.44 billion. No biggie.
Oh, and they also sold some stock-$108.8 million worth-because nothing says “financial stability” like selling shares to buy more imaginary internet money. They’ve still got $11.7 billion left to play with, though, so expect more impulsive shopping sprees.
Bitmine’s Ethereum Hoarding Reaches Smaug-Levels 🐉
Meanwhile, Bitmine Immersion has been quietly amassing Ethereum like a dragon guarding its treasure. 44,463 ETH added last week alone-because why not? Their total stash? A modest 4,110,525 ETH, which is roughly 3.41% of all Ethereum in existence. You know, just a little something for the weekend.
Tom Lee, Bitmine’s Chairman and resident crypto-optimist, chimed in with the kind of wisdom you’d expect from someone who’s had one too many espressos: “Bitmine added 44,463 ETH in the past week, as we continue to be the largest ‘fresh money’ buyer of ETH in the world.” Translation: “We have no chill.”
Lee blamed the market’s slump on year-end tax-loss selling-because nothing kills the festive spirit like realizing you owe the taxman a small fortune. But fear not! Bitmine remains committed to “enhancing shareholder value,” which apparently means buying more ETH, staking it, and praying to the crypto gods for a miracle.
Crypto Market Still in Its Feels 😭
Despite all this enthusiasm, Bitcoin and Ethereum are still sulking below their key levels-BTC hovering around $87,400 (down 6% for the year) and ETH barely clinging to $2,920 (down 12%). Not exactly the triumphant rally investors were hoping for.
Strategy’s stock (MSTR) is currently trading at $156, which is a 71% drop from its all-time high. Bitmine’s BMNR stock is faring even worse-down 82% since July. But hey, at least they’ve got lots of crypto to cry into.
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2025-12-30 06:13