Billion-Dollar Bitcoin Burn & Other Things Not To Do In 2025

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Bitcoin’s latest dip below $90k? More like a slap in the face from the crypto gods. 🐉 Liquidations hit $430 million, because apparently, leveraged longs are just a fancy way of saying “I’m long on hope and short on cash.” Retail investors are now one meme away from trading their GPUs for Monopoly money. 💀

Crypto Market Faces $430 Million In Liquidations

Per CoinGlass, the past 24 hours were a dumpster fire of bad decisions. Leveraged longs? $350 million down the drain. Bitcoin? A 3.5% nosedive to $89,120-a price point so sad, even Elon’s doge would cry. 💸

OxNobler, the oracle of crypto chaos, spilled the tea: Binance sold 4,000 BTC (because “bin” is literally in their name), Coinbase dumped 5,675 BTC (the U.S.-based exchange where dreams go to die), and Fidelity added 3,288 BTC to the pile. Wintermute? Just here to sprinkle salt on the wound. 🤡

And then there’s Strategy-formerly MicroStrategy-the company that thought hoarding 650k BTC was a good idea. Spoiler: it wasn’t. They sold 3,820 BTC, presumably to pay for Michael Saylor’s next motivational TED Talk. 🚨

Phong Le, Strategy’s CEO, confirmed what we all feared: if their stock trades below their BTC stash, they’ll sell like it’s Black Friday at the crypto mall. Because nothing says “trust” like a CEO admitting their Bitcoin hoard is a financial hot potato. 🍌

Coinbase Analysts Predict December Recovery

While the big players are busy burning BTC, Coinbase’s institutional team is here to hand out hope. “December recovery!” they cheer, citing Fed rate cuts and “resilient AI bubbles.” Oh, and short USD trades. Because nothing says “confidence” like betting against the dollar during a crypto crash. 🤞

OxNobler, however, is less optimistic. BlackRock just sold $130 million in BTC and ETH, and Vitalik Buterin’s back to flinging ETH from Gnosis Safe like it’s confetti. Because nothing says “Ethereum’s future” like a co-founder playing Monopoly with millions. 🎲

Institutional manipulation? Probably. OxNobler’s verdict? “Prices are being puppeteered like a Bitcoin marionette.” So, congrats, you’ve now invested in a puppet show. 🎭

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2025-12-06 15:19