CFTC Unleashes Crypto Chaos (But at Least It’s Regulated! 😅)

by

Behold, the US Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) has finally blessed us with the first-ever spot crypto trading on federally regulated markets. Because nothing says “progress” like letting people trade digital money while pretending they understand it. 🚀

Under this new regulatory wonderland, companies with a DCM license or DCO designation can now legally offer spot crypto trading. Because why trust anyone without a fancy acronym, right? 🤷♂️

As per a Dec. 4 press release, this move “provides regulatory clarity.” Acting CFTC chairman Pham, in a statement that could’ve been written by a sentient spreadsheet, claimed the previous leadership “chose regulation by enforcement rather than clear rules.” Translation: they fined everyone and called it a day. Classic bureaucratic efficiency. 🧾

CFTC’s “Crypto Sprint” Finishes in 4 Months (Or One Very Long Nap)

Back in August 2025, Pham announced the CFTC’s “Crypto Sprint” initiative to fast-track recommendations from Trump’s Working Group on Digital Asset Markets report. Because nothing says “urgency” like taking four months to approve a form. 🐢

Just four months later, the first application for CFTC-regulated spot crypto trading was approved. Presumably after someone accidentally left the self-certification form on a coffee table. ☕

Per CFTC regulation 17 CFR 40.6, paragraph b-1, the “self certification” filing is approved after 10 days unless the CFTC sends a polite email. Chicago-based Bitnomial, in a move that could’ve been inspired by a dream, filed its form on Nov. 13 and now claims to be the first CFTC-regulated spot crypto exchange. 🏆

📰Bitnomial launches the first CFTC-regulated spot crypto exchange in the U.S.

Leveraged spot, perpetuals, futures, options are all on one, federally regulated platform.

– Bitnomial (@Bitnomial) December 4, 2025

Other firms, like Cboe, CME, LedgerX, and Crypto.com, are now scrambling to join the federal fun. Meanwhile, traditional finance giants like Charles Schwab are eyeing the scene like a hungry pelican at a fish market. Who knew federally regulated crypto could be more enticing than a state-run casino? 🎰

Schwab, which hinted at entering the spot crypto arena in July, might finally get its chance. The new rules could let it challenge crypto-native firms. Because nothing says “dominance” like a bank with a mortgage department suddenly trading Bitcoin. 🏠Ƀ

Read More

2025-12-04 23:29