Oh, how the mighty have tumbled! Bitcoin, that once-proud digital emperor, has taken a delightful little dip back to its April levels-around $83,000-because nothing says “success” like selling your socks at half-price. The selling pressure is so fierce, even the most optimistic investors are now whispering incantations to ancient crypto gods, begging for mercy. It’s a scene straight out of Charlie and the Chocolate Market Crash, minus the golden tickets and extra-sweet rewards.
Realized losses on Bitcoin (BTC) have soared to heights last seen during the FTX implosion of 2022, according to Glassnode, a blockchain data platform that probably charges by the byte. “The scale and speed of these losses reflect a meaningful washout of marginal demand,” they declared, because nothing says “fun” like turning investors into soggy paper towels. Just minutes later, Bitcoin slumped to $80,500 on Coinbase, a 36% plunge from its all-time high. Someone must’ve told the market it was time to play hide-and-seek with its value.
The Great Short-Term Holder Meltdown
Short-term holders are currently leading a parade of panic, selling their coins like they’re hot potatoes dipped in existential dread. CryptoQuant, another analytics platform with a suspiciously techy name, noted that this kind of chaos “often marks a local bottom if the price quickly reclaims the cost basis.” But if it doesn’t? Well, brace yourselves for a bear market so deep, even the bears will ask, “Is this necessary?”
Samson Mow of Jan3, a man who probably drinks espresso from a Bitcoin-shaped mug, questioned the whole “bear market” narrative. “How can we have a bear market when we haven’t even had a proper bull market?” he asked. Because nothing says “bull market” like a herd of investors stampeding toward the exits. 🐃💨
Where’s the Bottom? And Why Is It Late?
Bitcoin has been red for four weeks straight, and the Crypto Fear & Greed Index is now in “Extreme Fear” territory. It’s like watching a toddler try to ride a unicycle-chaotic, terrifying, and likely to end in tears. Quantum Economics CEO Mati Greenspan, a man who probably eats bears for breakfast, warned that “the bears may hit their targets much sooner than expected.” Spoiler: The bears always win. That’s why they’re called bears.
“While I utterly reject the notion that we’re heading into a multi-year bear market,” Greenspan said, “with the speed of the current meltdown, the bears may hit their targets much sooner than expected.”
The FTX collapse of 2022 was a masterclass in disaster, following the Terra Luna fiasco like a bad sequel. Bitcoin plummeted from $33,000 to below $16,000, and no one could decide if it was a liquidity crisis or just the universe snorting Bitcoin. After bottoming out at $15,700, BTC lingered in the $20,000 dungeon for two months before crawling out for its 2023 bull run. Now, industry bulls are betting the next bottom will arrive just as quickly. Because nothing says “hope” like gambling on a coin that’s currently throwing a tantrum.
Tom Lee, a crypto prophet who’s probably got a spreadsheet for every moon phase, predicts Bitcoin could rebound to $150,000-$200,000 by January 2026. Or, as I call it, “the year after next, if we survive.” Until then, investors are left to wonder: Will Bitcoin bounce back like a trampoline, or crumble like a house of cards in a hurricane? Only time-and a few more sleepless nights-will tell. 😴💸
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2025-11-21 17:22