Eric Trump’s Bitcoin Empire Strikes Back: Q3 Earnings That Make You Say “Blimey!” 🚀

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Permit me to regale you with the tale of American Bitcoin, a company that has once more found itself basking in the golden glow of the limelight, much like a well-fed cat in a sunbeam. The narrative is as thrilling as a gentleman’s wager on a particularly spirited horse race.

Enter our protagonist, Eric Trump, the company’s co-founder and chief strategy officer, who took to X (formerly known as Twitter) to proffer a message as succinct as it was brimming with optimism: “Just getting started! @ABTC”. One might imagine him twirling a mustache with the air of a man who’s just discovered that his waistcoat is still buttoned.

Just getting started! @ABTC

– Eric Trump (@EricTrump) November 14, 2025

American Bitcoin, that intrepid upstart, has delivered a quarter of such meteoric proportions that one might think it had been fueled by elixirs brewed in the kitchens of Camelot. The figures? A princely $64.2 million in revenue for the quarter ending September 30-up from a paltry $11.6 million the previous year. Net income? A mere trifle of $3.5 million, compared to the meager loss of $0.6 million last year. One could say the company has traded its top hat for a crown.

This triumph, they insist, is owed to their “asset-light” approach to mining-light as a feather, yet profitable as a well-timed inheritance. As Mr. Trump himself proclaimed in the earnings statement: “While others paid spot, we generated bitcoin below market through scalable, asset-light mining operations. Coupled with disciplined at-market purchases.” A masterclass in fiscal acrobatics, delivered with the poise of a man who’s never once misplaced his monocle.

The company now holds a hoard of 4,004 BTC, a treasure trove that would make Scrooge McDuck weep into his pint of ale. Mr. Trump, on a Bloomberg podcast, waxed poetic about their philosophy: “Increase bitcoin per share,” as if it were the holy grail of shareholder satisfaction. And let us not forget their ability to mine BTC at roughly half the spot price-$56,000 per coin-thanks to long-term energy deals and West Texas’s inexhaustible supply of cheap renewable power. One might say they’ve struck gold in the desert, though perhaps with fewer tumbleweeds and more teraflops.

American Bitcoin’s ascent is nothing short of a whirlwind. Launched in April and listed on Nasdaq within five months, it has already leapt into the top 25 largest public Bitcoin treasuries globally. A feat that would make even the most jaded Wall Street maven raise an eyebrow-or two.

But lo! This is but a cog in the grander Trump crypto machine, which includes a meme coin, the USD1 stablecoin, Trump Media’s Bitcoin treasury, and World Liberty Financial. The current administration, ever the enthusiastic spectator, has declared its intent to make the U.S. “#1 in bitcoin mining.” A noble aspiration, though one wonders if it will require a new set of spats.

Ethics experts, those solemn scribes of the digital age, have predictably wrung their hands over potential conflicts of interest. But American Bitcoin, with the nonchalance of a man who’s never once considered the meaning of “conflict,” insists it has no direct dealings with federal regulators. A claim as flimsy as a paper hat in a gale.

As for the future? Mr. Trump has made it clear: no pivot to AI hosting, thank you very much. “No. The exact opposite. We’re only going to ramp up,” he declared, as if speaking to a room full of sycophants who had already placed bets on his next venture. With revenue surging, treasuries swelling, and political attention as hot as a summer’s day, American Bitcoin marches forward with the vigor of a man who’s just remembered he owns a yacht.

And thus, dear reader, we find ourselves in the midst of a Bitcoin bonanza, where the only thing more impressive than the numbers is the sheer audacity of it all. 🚀💰💥

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2025-11-14 17:33