🤑 Crypto Treasuries Ditch Bitcoin for Wacky Altcoins: Chaos Ensues! 🚀

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Oh, the crypto world, where the only thing more volatile than the coins is the attention span of investors! 🌪️ For the past year, Bitcoin (BTC) and Ethereum (ETH) have been the belle of the ball at the Digital Asset Treasuries (DATs) gala, thanks to some fancy pro-crypto regulations. But hold onto your wallets, folks-Reuters just dropped a bombshell: the spotlight is shifting to altcoins so obscure, even their mothers can’t pronounce their names! 😂

DAT Firms: “Bitcoin? Been There, Done That. Pass the Berachain!” 🍸

As of September, there are 200 DAT companies (yes, 200!) mostly mooning over Bitcoin, with a combined market cap of $150 billion. That’s a 3x jump from last year-cha-ching! 💰 But here’s the kicker: new companies are popping up faster than popcorn in a microwave, and many are penny stocks desperate to turn a dime into a fortune. With Bitcoin’s value doing the limbo (how low can you go?), these firms are now eyeing altcoins like they’re the last slice of pizza at a party. 🍕

Greenlane, OceanPal, and Tharimmune (yes, that’s a real name) are leading the charge, scooping up tokens like Berachain (BERA), Near protocol (NEAR), and Canton Coin (CC). Because, you know, why stick with the classics when you can gamble on the unknown? 🎲

Peter Chung from Presto Research (crypto’s resident Nostradamus) says the DAT hype train may have slowed, but it’s not dead yet. Meanwhile, OceanPal claims they’re buying NEAR tokens for its AI capabilities. Sure, Jan. 🤖

Retail Investors: “$17 Billion? Oopsie!” 😬

Remember when everyone thought DAT companies were the golden ticket? Retail investors piled in, convinced these firms could turn crypto into a credit card spree. Fast forward to today: Bitcoin’s wobbling, and 15 Bitcoin treasury companies are trading below their net asset value. Ouch. 😣

Retail investors lost a cool $17 billion (yes, billion with a B) on these trades, according to 10x Research. ETHZilla and Forward Industries are now buying back shares to prop up their prices. Desperate times call for desperate measures, eh? 🤡

Analysts are waving red flags like it’s a bullfight. Cristiano Ventricelli from Moody’s warns that diving into “exotic” altcoins is like playing Jenga with your retirement fund. And Michael O’Rourke from JonesTrading predicts most DAT companies will trade at a discount to their assets. Yikes. 😱

So, what’s the moral of this crypto tale? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em-but maybe don’t bet the farm on Canton Coin. 🌾

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2025-11-11 11:12