Coinbase’s “Oopsie” Costs Them Millions (You Won’t Believe How Many Transactions They Totally Missed!) 😲💸

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The Central Bank of Ireland just slapped Coinbase with a $24 million bill because… drumroll… they forgot to monitor 30 million transactions. Yeah, 30 million. Because who needs to check transactions when you can just wing it, right? 🚨

Turns out, their “monitoring system” was basically a sticky note that read “IDK, check later?” Over 12 months, 31% of Coinbase Europe’s transactions-$200 billion worth!-slipped through the cracks. Pro tip: If your system misses €176 billion, maybe upgrade from Excel. 💀

Suspicious transactions and delays

Coinbase took three years to review these transactions. Three. Years. Meanwhile, they casually filed 2,708 “suspicious activity” reports. Suspicious? More like embarrassing. The reports included red flags like child exploitation and cyberattacks. Cool. 😬

Coinbase admitted they didn’t monitor 30 million transactions. Thirty. Million. And they needed to double-check 185,000 more. Congrats, you’ve failed the “Basic Adulting” test. 🎉

The fine? A “discounted” $24 million. Originally $33 million, but Ireland said, “Eh, pay 30% less if you promise to try harder next time.” Parenting, but for billion-dollar companies. 👨🏫

Colm Kincaid, Ireland’s financial dad, lectured Coinbase on “robust systems.” His exact words: “Crypto’s anonymity is a criminal magnet.” Wow, really? Criminals like secrecy? Who knew? 🙄

Coinbase’s past penalties

This isn’t their first rodeo. Russia fined them for not storing data locally. Russia! Of all places! And the UK hit them for taking “high-risk customers.” High-risk? Like… terrorists? 🧨

In 2024, Coinbase let sketchy clients deposit $24.9 million and process $226 million. Oopsie! Guess their “vet this” button was labeled “maybe later.”

TL;DR: Coinbase’s compliance team needs a nap. 🛌 Or a new business model: “Crypto Laundering for Dummies.”

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2025-11-06 17:36