In a carnival of cryptocurrencies that rivals the devil’s ball, the Chief Officers of Imaginary Investments at Bitwise have conjured predictions of grandeur for their Solana Staking Elixir – excuse me, Exchange-Traded Fund – as the foolish masses hurl millions into its digital abyss.
Bitwise’s Solana Spectacle Sparks Institutional Lunacy
On a Tuesday that could have been spent contemplating the absurdity of existence, our visionary Matt Hougan foretold that the BSOL beast might devour the portfolios of the fat cats in suits, ascending to the Olympus of crypto idols. Ah, the irony – as if beans and Solana could coexist in harmony!
Hougan, with the fervor of a sorcerer hawking snake oil, proclaimed Solana as the “most thrilling gambit in this blockchain bazaar today,” boasting revenues fatter than a bureaucrat’s wallet in the New Economic Policy. Institutional behemoths, he sneered, “adore” these ETF contraptions and any trickle of cash, so naturally, they’ll “adore” Solana’s golden goose. How quaint, as if love were measured in ledgers! 😂
Earlier, in a bout of premonition, our CIO hinted that beneath the veneer of these investment toys lies some “fundamental charm,” much like the hidden whimsy in a Yiddish folktale. Thus, he prophesied BSOL’s ascent to hugedom – pardon the tautology, but truth is more elastic than a director’s expense account. 🚀
Prior to this farce, the ETF oracle Eric Balchunas divined that first-day treasures might eclipse $50 million, dwarfing the initial hauls of Bitcoin‘s BITB ($237.9M) and Ethereum‘s ETHW ($204M). Yet, Solana’s market cap, a mere speck beside BTC and ETH, suggests its ETF haul should be humbler – but rules are for peasants, not blockchains! 🌌
Balchunas’ scrolls revealed BSOL gulping $10 million in the first half-hour, a voracious appetite swelling to $33M at midday and bloating to $56M by dusk – “the MOST this year,” he cackled, eclipsing XRPR, SSK, Ives, and BMNU. The sarcasm? Ether-free, apparently.
Crypto Carnivals Amid Bureaucratic Bedlam
BSOL erupted into the fray on October 28, defying the government’s theatrical slumber – a shutdown that left analysts scratching heads like Pontius Pilate at a trial. Bitwise and Canary Capital mischievously filed their 8-A affidavits to unleash Solana, Litecoin (LTC), and Hedera (HBAR) ETFs, laughing in the face of the SEC’s slumber. As NewsBTC chronicled, expectations were for delays until the halls of power stirred, but Eleanor Terret unveiled that these filings functioned splendidly without a wakeful regime, akin to trading in the shadows of a Gogol farce. 💸
The SEC had poised to bless a dozen altcoin phantoms from October to November, after dawdling with new standards – standards as generic as a vodka label in Moscow’s finest dens. Yet, the bureaucracy’s nap persisted, leaving investors to feast on anticipation. With NYSE’s seal of approval, the ETFs danced onto Tuesday’s stage, while Grayscale’s Solana Trust transmutes into an ETF on Wednesday, like a were-beast in the moonlight.
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2025-10-29 12:11