Lo and behold! The illustrious Monsieur Trump, in a fit of pique worthy of a thwarted playwright, declared a tariff so steep-100%!-that even the Emperor of China might clutch his silken robes in horror! 🎭
Markets, ever the fickle audience, gasped and swooned like a scandalized noblewoman. The S&P 500 tumbled 2.7%, while crypto stocks? Ah, they plummeted like overripe melons from a market stall. Investors fled faster than a debtor from a tax collector! 💨
Crypto Stocks: A Tragedy in Five Acts 📉
The great Sino-American trade spat hath unleashed chaos upon the realm of stocks! Coinbase, that once-proud exchange, stumbled to $357.01-down 7.75%! Investors, trembling like leaves in a storm, abandoned ship ere the final curtain fell.
Bullish, alas, lived up to its name no longer, collapsing 9.42% to $60.37. Metaplanet, Japan’s Bitcoin hoarder, dipped 2.25%, while MARA Holdings? A veritable Icarus, plunging 7.67% before even touching the sun! 🌞🔥
BREAKING: 🇺🇸 $1.2 TRILLION VANISHED LIKE A MAGICIAN’S COIN!
PRAY FOR CRYPTO-OR AT LEAST HOLD YOUR NOSE. 🤧
– Ash Crypto (@Ashcryptoreal) October 10, 2025
Strategy’s mNAV: A Comedy of Errors 🤹
Strategy, that grand Bitcoin accumulator, saw its stock wither 4.84% to $304.79. But the true farce? Its mNAV-now below 1.180, a nadir unseen since the days when wigs were fashionable! Analysts clucked like disapproving aunts, warning of balance sheets thinner than a courtier’s patience.
Geoffrey Kendrick, a scholar of digital alchemy, proclaimed that mNAV below 1.0 spells doom-or at least a very awkward dinner party. Meanwhile, PIPE financing looms like a creditor at a wedding, ensuring early investors weep into their goblets. 🍷
Strategy hoards $78 billion in BTC, yet its market cap swells to $94 billion-a premium as dubious as a duke’s pedigree. With profits barely covering a fine hat, one wonders: Is this optimism, or merely the fumes of Saylor’s Bitcoin-branded perfume? 💼✨
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2025-10-11 06:01