Bitcoin: Still the King of Crypto, But Is It Getting Lazy? 👑💤

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Oh, Bitcoin. You’re like that friend who peaks in high school and then just kind of… coasts. 🏆➡️🛋️ Sure, you’re still breaking records, but let’s be real-your halving cycles are starting to feel like a midlife crisis. 🥴 Each one’s like, “Hey, remember when I used to be exciting? Now I’m just here for the snacks.” 🍿

New research (aka fancy math people) says your post-halving gains are shrinking faster than my patience for conference calls. 📉 Apparently, since your second halving, you’ve been delivering gains like a tired Uber driver-late and underwhelming. 🚗💨

Returns? More Like “Meh-turns” 😒

Halvings used to be your thing! Cutting block rewards by 87.5% since 2012? Iconic. But now you’re down to 3.125 BTC, and honestly, it’s giving “I’m just here so I don’t get fined” energy. 🏋️♂️➡️🛋️ Still, you managed to hit $109,000 in 2025 and then $120,000 a month later. Cool story, bro. But CoinGecko’s like, “Yeah, but your returns are shrinking faster than my will to live on Mondays.” 😩

Remember 2017? You were a 29x gain queen! 👑 Then 2021 hit, and you were like, “Eh, 6.7x is fine.” And now? A 93.1% increase? Girl, that’s not a flex, that’s a nap. 💤 Meanwhile, you hit $73,400 in March 2024, months before your fourth halving, just to keep us on our toes. 🕺

Oh, and trading volumes? Exploded from $20 million in 2013 to nearly $30 billion in 2025. Big deal. 🤑 But hey, at least 200 publicly listed companies are still into you, holding almost 5% of your total supply. Strategy’s leading with 640,031 BTC-63.2% of corporate holdings! They even added 4,048 BTC on September 2. Overachievers. 🏅

New kids on the block? Twenty One’s got 43,514 BTC, thanks to Tether, Bitfinex, and SoftBank. They’re now the third-largest corporate holder. KindlyMD merged with Nakamoto BTC Holdings and added 5,765 BTC. They’re also raising $5 billion for treasury growth. Because why not? 💸 And internationally, MetaPlanet and Treasury BV are building Bitcoin treasuries like it’s a Lego set. Treasury BV raised $147 million for 1,000+ BTC. Impressive, but are they having fun? 🤔

Bitcoin’s Network: Still Buff, But Is It Lifting or Just Posing? 💪🤳

Your network’s hash rate is up 88% in the past year-1.266 ZH/s! That’s like the crypto equivalent of doing a pull-up in a bar. 🏋️♂️ But let’s not forget the Trump administration’s role in this. Chinese mining hardware manufacturers moved to the US because of tariffs, and now domestic firms like HIVE and Marathon are going green. 🌱 Eric Trump even co-founded American Bitcoin Corp, which is now on Nasdaq. Because of course he did. 🤷♂️

So, Bitcoin, you’re still the king, but let’s be honest-you’re starting to act like a monarch who’s been on the throne too long. 👑👴 Keep those gains coming, or we’ll start calling you “Bit-coin the Mediocre.” 😘

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2025-10-06 03:00