Ted Cruz Blocks Privacy Bill to Dodge Doomsday Doxing! 😂😱

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Ah, yes, US Senator Ted Cruz from the great state of Texas, that lone wolf howlin’ in the Senate chamber, has slammed the brakes on a privacy bill that’s supposed to shield all us good ol’ Americans from those sneaky data brokers spilllin’ our guts online. His excuse? Cops need their data chow, and the darn thing ain’t refined enough yet. Oy vey, the excuses are as endless as a bad schmear spread! 😏

The Bitcoin-believin’ Cruz was the sole senator scramblin’ like a cartoon villain to block Democrat Senator Ron Wyden’s bill – Senate Bill 2850 – on Wednesday, claimin’ without data, how do ya keep locked-up pervs away from kiddos? It’s like sayin’ without maps, explorers would get lost… but wait, they do anyway! 😂

SB 2850 aims to club those data brokers’ filthy exposin’

Wyden, that privacy crusader, declared SB 2850 would arm Americans against data brokers hawkin’ our juicy secrets to “anyone with a credit card,” lettin’ creeps unleash violence, stalkin’, and worse – like gettin’ spam in your socks! BA-DUM-TSS! 👻

Cruz, our crypto-chompin’ anti-surveillance sheriff, blabbed to his Senate pals he’s “interested in expandin’ protections to as wide a universe as feasible, as practicable, but that answer ain’t yet worked out.” Translation: “I’m open to it… maybe… tomorrow… or next Tuesday!” 😜

He also swatted down Wyden’s follow-up bill on the same goofy grounds. Senate Bill 2851 tried to shackle protections just to federal bigwigs, state honchos, their staff, and those battered by sex assaults or domestic havoc. Cruz said no dice, but hey, let’s together on it, ’cause Congress ain’t gonna just twiddle thumbs and let innocents’ secrets fly freer than a pigeon in the park! 🐦

CryptoMoon buzzed Cruz and Wyden for a sound byte, but silence was the response – probably ’cause they’re too busy dodgin’ our calls like badgers in a trench! 📞🔕

Privacy’s been the hot potato in the crypto swamp, where freedom from Big Brother snoopin’ is kingpin creed. Clippin’ what brokers blab might zap security breaches that’ll sneak up on ya like a whoopee cushion in a board meetin’. Ha! 💨

And don’t get us started on the data drama – brokers scoop up your name, pad, digits, even your paycheck vibes, peddlin’ ’em to marketers for targeted pitches that’ll make ya buy junk ya don’t need. It’s capitalism gone wilder than a rodeo clown in drag! 🤡

Privacy crusade ignites after lawmaker’s tragic whack-a-mole

This push for hunkering down lawmakers’ dirt came after the grisly snuff-out of former Minnesota Rep Melissa Hortman in her own crib back in June. Boo-hoo murder, anyone? 👎

The Feds reckon the perp, Luther Boelter, sniffed out Hortman’s digs via those data squatters. Talk about lettin’ the fox in the henhouse – or wait, the wolf in the coop! 🐺

Crypto folk ain’t spared either; they’ve been dodged, snatched, and worse. Bitcoiner Jameson Lopp’s database tallies over 50 crypto-holdin’ hits in 2025, with bad guys trackin’ homes faster than a bloodhound on a scent. It’s like a treasure hunt where the loot’s your life – arrr, shiver me timbers! ⚔️🏠

Wyden’s on the warpath with a top crypto mogul

In the meantime, Wyden dropped a bombshell, launchin’ a probe into Dan Morehead’s tax boondoggles – that founder of the crypto-mad venture shop Pantera Capital – on Wednesday. 😲

Wyden gripes Morehead dodged over $100 million in Uncle Sam taxes by fibbin’ his residency and jerkin’ Puerto Rico’s tax teats like a moocher. Morehead claimed those hefty gains were tax-free escapees even while loungin’ in Cali silicon. What a plot twist! 📈💸

Wyden said Morehead fancied those nine-figure windfalls exempt from US gougin’, despite most comin’ while he was chillin’ in California. CryptoMoon rang Morehead for his side, but nada – silencio! Probably hidin’ in a Cayman vault! 🏦🐢

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2025-10-03 01:48