Ripple CEO’s New XRP Card: 4% Cash Back, 96% Shrugs

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If there’s one thing that gets a cryptocurrency enthusiast’s heart racing (besides the thrill of watching their net worth evaporate in real time), it’s cash back. Enter Ripple’s new XRP card, rolled out with Gemini-who, despite their name, are not actual celestial twins, just regular finance bros in blazers. This shiny rectangle of plastic promises users up to 4% cash back on purchases. I’d be more excited if I didn’t suspect my dentist’s loyalty program had beat them to it by at least a decade. 😐

Lukewarm Reception From XRP Holders

The XRP community’s reaction? Imagine announcing a free pizza party, only the pizza is made entirely of cauliflower and you can’t actually taste anything unless you’re American. That’s right-the card’s only available in the U.S., leaving international holders pining for what I assume is the world’s blandest piece of financial innovation. To add insult to injury, Gemini’s already been throwing XRP around like confetti on New Year’s, so this card reads more like a fresh coat of paint on an aging Volvo than a Tesla unveiling. 🍕🚫

Attempts to Build Excitement

Ripple’s PR squad went all in. Garlinghouse showcased his card online, probably hoping for a standing ovation. Ripple CTO David Schwartz, always the company man, posted photos of himself sporting enough XRP swag to make you wonder if he actually sleeps on a pillow stuffed with unused transaction receipts. He even popped by “XRPresso”-which, despite the name, serves regular coffee, not blockchain-infused espresso shots (disappointing, I know). Tyler Winklevoss-one half of Gemini’s genetic fortune-swung by to joke that Garlinghouse had scored “the whale limit” on his card. Because nothing says fintech revolution quite like inside jokes about excessive spending. 🐳💳☕

Gemini Strengthens Partnership With Ripple

For those keeping score at home, Ripple and Gemini have become practically inseparable, like two kids at summer camp who realize they both enjoy synchronized swimming and extremely complicated tax forms. Gemini recently added new XRP integrations, collateral support for derivatives trading, and yes, Ripple’s RLUSD stablecoin-because what’s one more vaguely named crypto product between friends? Word on the street is Ripple extended Gemini a credit line before their planned IPO. Apparently, in crypto, you can borrow money for your debutante ball and still leave without dancing. 🎉🫱

The Bigger Picture

Ripple says this is all about proving the real-world usefulness of XRP-which sounds great until you remember the actual world is mostly just credit cards, coffee, and mild disappointment. Whether the card will float or sink is anyone’s guess, but for now, it’s another shiny attempt at giving “the community” something to talk about that isn’t regulatory lawsuits or memes of dogs in bow ties. 🐶👔

This is not financial advice. If it were, it would rhyme, and possibly be delivered by a puppet. Please consult someone with credentials, a calculator, and preferably a degree from somewhere other than the Internet.

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2025-08-26 15:09