Michael Saylor’s Scooter of Truth: Bitcoin’s Wild Ride 🛴

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So Michael Saylor, co-founder of “Strategy” (a name so vague it could be a spy agency or a brand of unscented candles), decided to grace us with an update. Instead of a boring earnings call, he posted an AI-generated photo of himself looking deeply serious while riding a bright orange scooter 🛴. Because nothing says “financial genius” like a grown man on a child’s vehicle filtered through a robot’s imagination. His entire thesis? Two words: “Bitcoin delivers.” Groundbreaking. My grocery list has more words, and it’s just “wine, more wine.”

And this profound insight just *happens* to coincide with the company’s magic internet money pile reaching a value so high it could buy every single scooter on the planet. Coincidence? Or just really good timing? 🤔

Let’s look at the numbers, because someone has to. Saylor’s company, Strategy, is sitting on a cool 629,376 BTC. They spent a casual $46 billion to get it, which averages out to a “no big deal” $73,320 per coin. That stash is now worth over $72 billion, meaning they’re up more than 56%. That’s not a profit, that’s a “we’re probably going to buy a private island shaped like a Bitcoin” kind of paper gain.

Bitcoin Delivers

– Michael Saylor (@saylor) August 24, 2025

Oh, and in case you forgot, this is a *publicly traded company* (ticker: MSTR) with a market cap of $98 billion. So basically, the entire company is a Bitcoin ETF with a really weird, barely-there software business attached to it. Its stock trades at $344, which is approximately the cost of 344 of my beloved TJ’s wines. Priorities.

Let’s Talk About This “Strategy” Business (The Other One)

Everyone’s waiting with bated breath for the usual Monday announcement, which at this point is less “corporate update” and more “what did your rich uncle buy this week?” They bought 155 BTC on August 11th, and then another 430 on the 18th. It’s like Pokémon, but for finance bros. Gotta catch ’em all!

And the insiders? They’ve been busy! In the last three months, there were 31 transactions: 13 buys and 18 sells. Over the last year, they bought 286,132 shares and sold 474,471. So to translate from Finance to English: the people on the inside are… taking some money off the table. But don’t worry! I’m sure that’s just to buy more scooters. 🛴💰

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2025-08-24 15:03