Coinbase Adds 5 Altcoins: Market Goes Bonkers or Just Another Crypto Shenanigan?

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Coinbase, that digital wallet of dreams, has decided to sprinkle some fairy dust on five new altcoins. 🧙♂️ The tokens in question? AWE Network (AWE), Dolomite (DOLO), Flock (FLOCK), Solayer (LAYER), and SPX6900 (SPX). Because nothing says “I trust this” like a roadmap that’s more Rorschach test than business plan. 🚀

Oh, and they also threw in Sapien (SAPIEN), because why not? The market’s been so thrilled, it’s like crypto’s version of a toddler seeing their first ice cream truck-sudden, chaotic, and followed by a sugar crash. 🍦💥

Coinbase Includes 5 Altcoins in Listing Roadmap

The announcement came via X (formerly Twitter), where they helpfully provided contract addresses across Base, Ethereum, and Solana. Because nothing says “transparency” like a string of numbers and letters that only a grad student could love. 🧠

Coinbase also reminded everyone that listings are “contingent on additional conditions,” which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’ll do what we want, but don’t sue us.” Their disclaimer is basically their version of a “get out of jail free” card in Monopoly. 🎲

They’ve listed previous roadmap coins with the speed of a caffeinated squirrel, so if this pattern continues, we might see these tokens on Coinbase faster than your ex’s new dating profile. 🐿️

“There will be times when an asset is delayed or removed…” – Coinbase. A poetic way to say, “We’re not responsible if you lose money. But hey, let’s all get rich together!” 💸

The crypto community has responded with the enthusiasm of a group of pigeons seeing a bag of birdseed. AWE Network’s token jumped 14%, and Flock (FLOCK) decided to take a stroll… and somehow ended up in a hot air balloon. 🐦✈️🎈

DOLO had a 9% uptick, LAYER rose by 2.84%, and SPX added 4.44%. But then, of course, reality hit like a rogue whale in a crowded pool. 🐋💧 All tokens slipped, with LAYER and SPX taking a dip. Flock, the eternal optimist, held onto 20.6% of its gains. Brave bird.

SAPIEN Trading Goes Live On Coinbase

Coinbase also added Sapien (SAPIEN), a token that’s been on a juice cleanse of hype. 🧃 Since its launch, it’s appreciated 64%, which is impressive unless you’ve ever tried to budget for groceries. At $0.24, it’s basically the crypto equivalent of a $2 candy bar. 🍫

“Binance is the first platform to feature Sapien…” – Binance. Because nothing says “trust” like two exchanges racing to list the same token like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. 🍕

CoinGecko data shows the token’s daily volume hit $73 million, an 18,978% increase. Coinbase accounted for 23.74% of that, which is either a miracle or a very aggressive marketing team. Either way, someone’s getting a raise. 🎉

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2025-08-21 10:54