Bull Market Bloom After Hush-Hush Recession: Laughing All the Way to the Portfolio! 🤑

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The American economy has shed its dowdy recessionary chrysalis and emerged, triumphant and sequined, as a fully fledged new bull market-at least according to Mike Wilson, the oracle-in-residence at Morgan Stanley, who addressed Bloomberg TV with the solemn timbre of a lepidopterist announcing the first hatching of the season.

“Picture,” he murmured, “a three-year rolling recession-less a tidy pause, more a slinking, snaggletoothed panther that finally curled up and expired in a discreet corner of April, leaving only a faint whiff of despond in the air. Lo! A sparkling bull now stampedes across the charts, its horns freshly anointed with capital-markets confetti.” 🐂✨

In case anyone feared that reality might spoil the pageant with an untidy stumble, Mr. Wilson soothingly waved the possibility of a “third-quarter volatility waltz”-a mere fandango of drawdowns designed to separate the dainty from the daring. “Buy the dips,” he exhorted, as though urging tourists to pick up postcards of an earthquake while it’s still shaking.

According to his recipe for continued euphoria, one requires only (a) a sprightly change in the rate of growth (check!), plus (b) policies that refrain from tripping over their own laces (also check!), crowned by a Fed tacitly promising its next pirouette will be a cut rather than another hike-like announcing the opera will indeed end with a high note, just not specifying when. Curtain please. 🎭📈

PS: Past performance is as reliable as yesterday’s horoscope, so do bring your own salt shaker and a sturdy pair of irony-proof suspenders.

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2025-08-08 11:36