According to the well-versed folks at Chainalysis—those cryptographic watchdogs—you might want to hang onto your digital wallets. In what can only be described as a spectacular performance of thievery, more than $2 billion worth of crypto has vanished faster than my will to exercise on a lazy Sunday, making 2025 the roughest year yet for cryptocurrency swindling. 🏴☠️
Picture this: the ByBit exchange took center stage in this grand heist, losing a staggering $1.5 billion to hackers closely linked with North Korea. Apparently, they weren’t in the mood for diplomacy and decided that stealing from people who can’t figure out how to protect their wallets was the way to go. This exchange must be wishing they had bolted the door—a little late for that! 🔒🚪
Just to add some spice to this already alarming situation, it only took a mere 142 days for those thefts to hit the $2 billion mark. Bravo, crypto thieves! You must be so proud! 🎉
Let’s not gloss over the fact that a mind-boggling 23.35% of all stolen crypto this year originated from user wallets. That’s right—personal wallets, where people store their savings as if it were just an oversized piggy bank. There’s a whopping $8.5 billion still hanging out on the blockchain, like that guy at a party who’s overstayed his welcome but refuses to accept it. 😳
Driving the crime scene, our beloved Bitcoin still reigns supreme among naughty virtual currencies, but it seems non-EVM jewels like Solana are gaining traction. Isn’t that cute? The criminals are getting picky. Apparently, if you’re not holding Bitcoin, you’re like the kid who shows up to a party without snacks—you’re definitely getting picked on! 🍕
If we play the where’s-the-crime game on a map, North America is taking home the gold medal in crypto crime losses. Surprise, surprise! With so many people diving headfirst into the crypto chaos, it seems criminals figured it was a target-rich environment. Who knew? 🤷♂️
And let’s talk about the fine art of laundering stolen funds. Those clever criminals are shelling out up to 14.5 times the average fee to process their dirty cash (and by dirty, I mean “not exactly earned through honest labor”). You know it’s serious when laundering fees shoot up by 108% while blockchain costs drop like a bad habit. Ah, the irony! 💸
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2025-07-17 19:46