Well, well, well. Bitcoin—*the* attention-seeking eldest sibling of the crypto family—just threw itself past $113,541 on Bitstamp at 17:41 UTC, shattering its own ceiling and, presumably, the hopes and dreams of a small nation’s worth of short-sellers. It was awkward for everyone, except for those buying in 2013, who are currently combusting with glee somewhere in a luxury bunk bed.
According to the human calculators at CoinGlass, a jaw-dropping $575 million in short positions evaporated in the last 24 hours. Yes, that’s right—a small fortune poofed so quickly, the only trace is a weird feeling of regret and a suspiciously high number of new memes clogging up Discord servers. 🍟💸
And, because fate loves drama, Bitcoin’s market cap ballooned to $2.25 trillion. That’s trillion with a ‘T’, in case you were worried your student debt was the most dramatic number you’d see this week.
Oh, and Amazon—yes, Jeff’s empire—should start nervously checking its rearview mirror. Rumour has it, Bitcoin is about to overtake them in the Only Numbers That Matter Olympics. Alexa, play “Who’s Laughing Now?” by Jessie J.
Analysts, whose job is basically to stare moodily at charts and tweet, are already side-eyeing $125,000. Because why not? If we’re going to the moon, might as well shoot for Mars. 🚀
Wen $125k?
— Ryan Rasmussen (@RasterlyRock) July 10, 2025
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2025-07-10 20:43