Pray, attend! In the grand theater of American justice, the SEC and Ripple did conspire, like two bumbling suitors, to sway the favor of a district court. Their noble aim? To shave down a punishment of one hundred twenty-five million ducats—oh, pardon me, dollars!—and to sweep aside the charge that treating XRP as securities was anything but fashionable under the hallowed Securities Act. One might say their petition was as subtle as a tax collector at a masquerade.
An “indicative ruling” they sought—a marvelous term befitting our legal comedy. Imagine, dear audience, a lower court donning the costume of higher wisdom, waving its hands to issue orders whilst awaiting approval from the loftier, more be-wigged authorities. A recipe for farce if ever there was one!
On a fine Thursday (or perhaps a rainy one; the gods do not disclose), Dame Analisa Torres—who lords over the southern province of New York—brandished her mighty pen. With a flourish, she did declare, ‘No, sirs! Not a jot nor a tittle shall be changed. The $125 million penalty stands, as solid as a marble bust and twice as unyielding!’
“In truth,” quoth Judge Torres, “the court granted the SEC’s wishes, for Ripple’s indefatigable urge to skate upon the legal precipice suggests that, given time, they’ll tumble straight into the abyss—if they haven’t already! And let us not feign surprise, for nothing has changed—not even the actors’ elaborate wigs.”
Yet—oh, comic twist—they plead now for the public’s favor, seeking a fine reduced by sixty percent and an injunction waived, as if one could simply talk a hangman out of his grim job. Such logic! Would one expect the taxing authority to grant amnesty during a carnival?
Alas, said the judge (discreetly rolling her eyes, one suspects), should you wish to rewrite the play’s ending and waltz blithely past the lower court’s firm decrees, best you appeal, as the old scrolls demand—not whisper sweet nothings to the very audience that convicted you.
CryptoMoon, that tireless playwright, sought comment from Ripple’s legal players. Yet not a whisper, not a peep did they receive—perhaps distracted by the search for lost pocket change or rehearsing a tragic soliloquy.
All the world’s a stage, and this case is the hottest ticket in cryptoland, with the rabble holding their breath as the curtain falls. Both actors, SEC and Ripple alike, now aspire to exit stage left, abandoning their lawsuit as if it were last season’s doublet.
SEC lawsuit winds down as Ripple CEO celebrates dropped appeal
March the nineteenth: Behold Brad Garlinghouse, champion of Ripple and master of celebratory tweets! He proclaims the SEC’s retreat as a “resounding victory”—enough to set the chandeliers shaking and champagne corks flying in crypto-boudoirs everywhere. Bravo! Encore! 🎆
And so, as the plot twists toward conclusion, both houses file a motion most whimsical: release the hundred-and-twenty-five million tokens from their escrowed shackles! Fifty million shall glide to the SEC—after all, they love a bargain—and seventy-five million to Ripple, if the court, in its infinite jest, consents.
Thus ends this act on the crypto stage, where fortunes rise, judges scowl, and partners pirouette ungracefully through legal loopholes. Stay tuned: tomorrow, another play, and doubtless, more mischief! 🎭
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2025-06-26 22:08