Billionaires, Missiles, and Bargain Hunting: Bitcoin’s Wild Comeback Shocks Wall Street!

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Oy vey! One minute the world is trading missiles, the next minute they’re trading bitcoin. Never a dull day with cryptocurrency, huh? Institutions see a discount, and suddenly it’s Black Friday at the Bitcoin bazaar! 🛒💸

Bitcoin: It Gets Knocked Down, But It Gets Up Again (Thanks, Big Money!)

If you think your shopping sprees are big, let me introduce you to Strategy and Metaplanet. These guys bought 11,212 BTC in 24 hours. I guess inflation doesn’t bother you much when you’re made of pure gold—or crypto.

Here’s the set-up: Israel launches a pre-emptive missile strike, Iran says, “You talkin’ to me?”—BOOM! The markets drop faster than my mother-in-law’s opinion of my career choices. And right when everyone else is running away, in come Strategy and Metaplanet like they’re at a rug sale at Macy’s: “We’ll take all the Bitcoin you got, and throw in a set of steak knives!”

Strategy forks over a cool billion (that’s billion with a B, as in “Boy, am I glad I didn’t sell at $25k!”) for 10,100 BTC. Metaplanet swoops in with $117.2 million and grabs 1,112 BTC—basically pocket change for these guys. They’ve hit their 2025 coin target two years early! Guess someone’s getting an employee-of-the-month mug. And now there’s a “Metaplanet Path to 210,000 Bitcoin” plan. You gotta admit, these folks are ambitious. Next up: the “Let’s Buy the Moon” initiative. 🚀

(Metaplanet’s new plan: Less “Moon landing,” more “Moon shopping spree” — Simon Gerovich on X)

Metaplanet CEO Simon Gerovich, never one to pass up a dramatic quote, declares in his post on X, “This era will be divided between those who bought bitcoin, and those who’re just divided.” I see a future of family reunions ruined by Bitcoin envy!

Let’s Take a Look at the Numbers—But Don’t Blink! 😳

Bitcoin soared 1.79% in the last day, trading at $107,534.32 at this very moment. This after a weekend more volatile than my uncle Saul at a blackjack table. It’s still down 0.36% for the week—hey, even Superman had his kryptonite (in this case, geopolitics).

The price roller-coastered between $104,519.88 and $107,819.09. Traders everywhere glued to their screens, sweating harder than Mel Brooks in a sauna.

(Remember this chart when your cousin says, “Bitcoin is stable!” / Trading View)

Trading volume blasted up by 29.18% to $46.23 billion—turns out the only thing moving faster than a Bitcoin price drop is Wall Street when they smell a deal. Market cap is now sitting pretty at $2.13 trillion, but BTC dominance fell by 0.38% to a measly 64.46%—it’s tough being the heavyweight champ, everyone’s got their eye on your belt.

(Bitcoin grabs the spotlight, but Ethereum’s that understudy waiting in the wings / Trading View)

As for derivatives, BTC futures open interest ticked up 4.82% to $73.06 billion. Liquidations—no, not a furniture store closing—were tiny and even: $63,800 in longs, $42,580 in shorts. Nobody’s getting rich, but nobody’s getting heartburn (yet). The mood: wait, see… and double-check your cold wallet.

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2025-06-16 20:27