How MicroStrategy Plans to Crash the Bitcoin Party with Shares & Cash — What Could Go Wrong? 💥💰

How MicroStrategy Plans to Crash the Bitcoin Party with Shares & Cash — What Could Go Wrong? 💥💰

  • Strategy to issue 2.5M STRD shares to fund more Bitcoin purchases. Because who doesn’t love more funny money? 🤡
  • Saylor screams “HODL!” while the firm hoards 705 BTC amid a $105K price surge. Genius or madness? You decide. 😎

Strategy, once just MicroStrategy, now a mighty titan with dreams of turning corporate greed into a Bitcoin bonanza, has announced their masterstroke: a whopping 2.5 million perpetual preferred shares under the name “Stride” (STRD). Yep, more shares! Because creditors love a good laugh. 😂

By ditching traditional debt like a bad ex, they’re piling into Bitcoin harder than a drunk on payday, solidifying their seat at the institutional table. Cheers to reckless ambition! 🥂

Strategy scoffs at convention, saying:

“Strategy intends to use the net proceeds from the offering for general corporate purposes, including the acquisition of bitcoin and for working capital.”

Details of the Strategy’s Equity Extravaganza

Hold onto your hats — this is serious! The company’s latest move involves 2.5 million shares of its 10% Series A Perpetual Stride Preferred Stock (STRD). Because who needs stability when you can have dividends? 🎢

These shares promise investors a sweet 10% annual cash dividend, paid quarterly starting September 30, 2025. And if the company feels tired and skips a dividend? No worries! They’re off the hook. 😂

Oh, and they can redeem these shares under certain mysterious conditions, like if the share count drops below a quarter or some tax law wizardry happens. Redeemed? Expect $100 per share plus remaining dividends — because money is just a game, right? 🎲

What’s More? A little security for the gamblers

Strategy’s got your back, investors! In case of a “fundamental change,” you can demand a buyback, getting your money plus any unpaid dividends — basically, a safety net for their giant ego. 💼

This extra layer of protection is perfect for those convinced that the crypto ocean will never swallow them whole. Or so they hope. 🤞

Meanwhile, the crypto community was not exactly throwing a party — one critic remarked,

“This one now looks like you’re running a ponzi scheme Michael.”

Market Chatter & Saylor’s Sermon

Bitcoin is currently chilling around $105,318.28, a modest 0.90% increase in 24 hours, because why not? CoinMarketCap is sure full of surprises. 📈

Strategy’s Bitcoin hoarding continues: 705 BTC added for $75 million, because who needs diversification? Not them! 💸

All this madness got a stamp of approval from Saylor at the Bitcoin 2025 circus in Las Vegas, where he declared, “Bitcoin is the ultimate capital, so hold tight, folks!”

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2025-06-04 02:23