You Won’t Believe What Coinbase Just Said About Your Beloved Meme Coins!

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In the bustling bazaar that is the crypto world, Coinbase has rung the bell and bellowed, “Oyez, oyez, gather round, holders of Cardano (ADA), Litecoin (LTC), XRP, and that ever-popular canine mischief-maker, Dogecoin (DOGE)! Something is coming. Possibly. Ish.” 🛎️

According to a tweet (because pronouncements carved into stone tablets went out with the Bronze Age), Coinbase hinted that wrapped versions of your favorite coins—let’s call them cbADA, cbLTC, cbXRP, and cbDOGE—are on the horizon. That’s right: your coins wrapped up snug as a dwarfish breakfast roll, just waiting to be unwrapped by excitable investors everywhere. 🥐

But don’t rush to trade just yet or, in fact, at all. These digital coins are not live, which in the Discworld would be akin to lining up to buy tickets to the premiere of a play that hasn’t even been written. “By the way, folks, these assets are not yet available. We’ll tell you when they are. Probably. Unless we get distracted by something shinier,” was the gist, more or less, of Coinbase’s tweet.

There could be fraudulent actors—yes, yes, villains in the night, con artists, that sort—making all sorts of dubious claims that cbADA, cbDOGE, cbLTC, and cbXRP are ready to trade. They are not. Do not hand over your magical beans. No, really.

The only official Base contract addresses worthy of the name will be:

cbADA: 0xcbADA732173e39521CDBE8bf59a6Dc85A9fc7b8c
cbDOGE:…

— Coinbase Assets 🛡️ (@CoinbaseAssets) May 13, 2025

If you hear strange whisperings in alleyways—“Psst, mate, wanna buy some cbDOGE?”—be warned! Scammers prowl the shadows, eager to nibble at your coin purse before your crypto even has a chance to become properly dubious. Front-running a launch with fake assets is the sort of thing that keeps Discworld’s wizards and crypto enthusiasts up at night, clutching their ledgers and nervously eyeing pigeons. 🕵️‍♂️

Coinbase, not being daft, has telegraphed the real contract addresses like a responsible postmaster, so when these coins do finally enter the stage, you’ll know which ones aren’t just cardboard cut-outs.

Casting our minds back, last September, Coinbase rolled out cbBTC—a wrapped Bitcoin, for those times you want your Bitcoin gift-wrapped, presumably with a little bow. Unlike Uncle Vimes’ socks, these actually match 1:1 with the real thing, and can even gallop off onto Solana, no horses required.

Elsewhere on the Cacophony Exchange (A.K.A. Coinbase News) 📰

In a world where pigs sincerely wish they could fly, Coinbase shares have soared nearly 15% on Tuesday, now roosting in the hallowed S&P 500 alongside companies that make, you know, actual things.

Coinbase is negotiating harder than a streetwise Ankh-Morpork trader: expanding their presence for institutional investors, broadening out into unfamiliar (non-U.S.) waters, and growing their legend as the biggest publicly traded crypto exchange. Last week, they decided to buy Deribit, a derivatives exchange, for the entirely reasonable price of $2.9 billion—which, depending on the market, is the equivalent of a small nation’s castle or two-and-a-half moon launches.

So, to summarise: don’t buy what isn’t for sale, don’t trust anyone wearing a suspiciously wide hat, and never, ever accept crypto advice from anyone who introduces themselves as “Honest Harry.” 🧙‍♂️

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2025-05-14 15:42