Bitcoin and Ether Soar as Tariff Tantrum Turns into a Love Affair—You Won’t Believe What’s Next

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The trade war plot twist nobody saw coming: two superpowers holding hands, and suddenly everyone wants a piece of bitcoin and ether. Told you crypto has drama. 🎭💸

Crypto’s Big Mood Swing: U.S. and China Stop Bickering (for Now)

Out of absolutely nowhere—like your ex texting “U up?” at 3 a.m.—the U.S. and China decided to ghost their own tariffs. Bye-bye, 145%-level drama; hello, “just” 30% (still rude, but whatever). China, true to type, matched with an equally theatrical slide from 125% to 10%. Markets? Obsessed. Traders? Frothing. Risk appetite? On Ozempic and running wild.

QCP’s latest gossip column showed U.S. equities leaping up 3% (because apparently someone finally remembered enthusiasm exists), gold did what it always does when there’s hope—flopped dramatically—and the VIX checked into a spa at 18. Crypto volatility? The bitcoin front imploded like my New Year’s resolutions: dropped over five points. Bitcoin and Ether at first panicked, as you do when someone rearranges your furniture, but then settled at $103K and $2,400. (Which, if they were dating, would be a suspiciously healthy relationship.)

But let’s not get carried away. Despite bitcoin’s dominance dipping under 63% (“I’m not like other coins—I’m complicated”), it’s still torn between being a safe haven and a reckless thrill. Range-bound, moody, and perpetually in existential crisis—a real millennial. Macro stories are the current Tinder match, but derivatives action is about as lively as a Monday morning.

Meanwhile, Ether is feeling itself. No leverage-fueled shenanigans. Instead, a quiet confidence, new long-dated options, and that “just got a makeover” glow from its Pectra upgrade. According to QCP’s musings, ETH could be about to main character the entire post-trade-war narrative. If bitcoin is still in therapy, ether is ready to work the room. 💃🎢

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2025-05-13 20:10